Abbie's Story
When I decided to set up Adullam Ministries, I knew that telling my story would play a huge part in the vision I had, which is why I wrote my book Secret Scars. I have always felt very strongly that Christians have a tendency to hide, and say that everything is all right, purely because we are Christians. We forget that Jesus, our role model, was at times sad, angry, tempted and despairing, despite his relationship with the Father. I think the Bible is quite clear that we will struggle, but that it is through our own struggles that we help other people. My heart has always been that people become more open about their struggles, whatever they may be, so that we can support each other as brothers and sisters.
My story has a very normal beginning. I grew up comfortably in a nice house in a town on the suburbs of London, with both parents, a pesky brother and a good education. However, throughout school I struggled with very low self-esteem, made worse by bullying. When I was sixteen I developed an eating disorder that would last into my twenties.
I thought being a Christian meant that you should automatically be happy.
At the beginning of my sixth form I started going to church, and soon afterwards gave my life to Christ. Although my outlook on life completely changed, I found that I was still struggling in private, too embarrassed to tell anyone because I thought being a Christian meant that you should automatically be happy.
At the age of eighteen, at University, I started cutting myself in an effort to deal with my emotions, and ended up in a psychiatric ward. I was forced to leave University and go home to my parents, feeling completely unable to cope with life and an utter failure. I spent the next year working in low paid jobs, but living and breathing my self-harm, never really engaging with the real world. My depression was so bad that I felt as if there were no hope.
All I knew was that I wanted to follow God.
I don't know that I can say exactly what it was that got me better. There was no quick fix. All I knew was that I wanted to follow God. My faith that God existed never swayed, but I always wondered when he was going to heal me. It took me a long time to learn that his healing power is not always demonstrated in immediate and miraculous ways. Counselling, medication, an understanding psychiatrist, and help from friends were all used by God to help me break free from the cycle of self-harm. I now live a happy and fulfilled life, having not cut since 2001. Had he healed me immediately, as I had wanted, I would have missed the lessons he taught me, which now enable me to help others.
I always knew that I wanted to work with people who found life difficult for whatever reason, and in 2000 started to volunteer with a youth work organisation, where I took over the area of pastoral care. I left that to study counselling at London Bible College with Waverley Abbey House in 2001, and have been counselling ever since. Having done some church based work and been involved with a pregnancy crisis service, I found that my passion was for people who were going or had been through similar experiences to my own. I have since been working almost exclusively with people who self-harm, and trying to provide information and raise awareness on an individual level with both sufferers and those who care about them.
My passion is for people with similar experiences to my own.
I married John in 2004, and we live in Rugby, Warwickshire, with our two cats. I am a normal person who enjoys a very blessed life - I love life and my job, and reading and quilting in my spare time. As well as directing what we do at Adullam Ministries, I work part time with a local Christian Counselling Service and am presently studying to further my counselling qualifications.