For Eating Disorder Sufferers...

For and about self harmers / people with other issues

Postby katamarang » Tue Dec 18, 2007 1:07 pm

Hi. Thank you for your concern, it´s so easy, especially when I´m alone alot, to convince myself that nothing about me is worth anything to anyone else. I read in a book the other day that for the sake of people who need my love, I need to make sure I´m being filled up with God´s love every day.

I thought that was beautiful, but doesn´t apply to me, because no-one could possibly need my love!

In response to your question Hash, I´m not really getting any official support. As I said, I´m in Spain! I did tell a friend who is about 2 hours away from me though because I frightened myself a few weeks ago, going further than I should have. But even though this sounds worrying, I am doing ok. I have amazing friends who are supporting me from afar! And I am doing ok, it´s just hard sometimes that´s all.

I am considering trying to talk to a Christian adult I know who is wonderful and wise because although my friends and boyfriend are great, sometimes it feels like they are too close if you know what I mean. And my parents... well I just want to protect them as much as possible. Especially with me being away I know it´s very hard for my Mum.

I am going home in two days, and I am feeling ok and quite postive. I need to try and sort my head out when I´m home though, it´s easy for the voices to become very very loud when I´m alone.

Thank you again.
x
katamarang
 
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Postby Eppie » Wed Dec 19, 2007 11:20 pm

Hi Katamarang,
i'd really recommend talking to the wise person you've got in mind. i've got a couple of older Christians - one nearby and one miles away but on the other end of the phone who I can talk to. They can say wise things, listen and sympathise, and it's easier to tell them becuase I know i'm not going to make them upset or worry them in the way that it might be with other people.
that said i'm not always great at telling them, but when I pluck up the courage and do, or when I realise things are really desperate and i'm goin to burst if I don't tell someone, then relationships like that are a life saver. So I say go for it.
What I really hope is that one day I will be able to be there for someone else like they have been for me.
Hang in there.
E x
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Postby cloudy_day » Fri Apr 11, 2008 9:24 pm

I find it so hard to make sense of eating problems. And even if I have an eating disorder.

Sometimes I can be okay, and eat quite normally. Other days I will eat loads, and then feel really bad, and then starve myself.

At the moment I am trying to eat only a little bit. Like no breakfast or lunch, amybe a cup of soup and then a little bit of my evening meal.

I can hardly think properly and I cant even take stuff in. I sit in lectures at colleges and Im just spaced out, I used to have so much going on in my head but now there is nothing I just sit and stare into space and nothing is going on in my head.

Ive started taking some stuff that helps me go to the toliet as I was only going once a week or maybe even longer than that.

How can I get help? Or is this normal. Im not skinny so it aint a problem, I know I need to loose weight as I do look fat, but having people tell me Ive lost weight is hard as I dont see it.

I cant go to the doctors as my mum works there. or change as I have tried.

In a way I like being like this which is so hard but at the same time, I know its wrong and can be scary at times when I take it all too far.

I try to understand or make sense of it but I cant, its not like Ive had terrible things happen in my life and this is the outcome, I wish I had as then I could sort it.

People ask me if Im okay, and all I say is "Yeah I fine", which is true but its not as inside I am falling apart and so confused with all thats going on.

I just dont know anyrthing any more.
cloudy_day
 
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Postby cloudy_day » Sat Apr 12, 2008 3:02 pm

I just dont seem to feel hungry anymore!
I dont even know what I feel. Surpose that is a good thing.
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Postby Eppie » Sun Apr 13, 2008 4:43 pm

Hi Cloudy Day,
Sounds as if you're having a bit of a hard time with food at the moment.
I know what it's like as I've struggled a lot with food in the past and I'm still not quite immune from the odd messy patch.


Don't feel bad about it all... I've not had terrible things happen in my life either, but an eating disorder just happened anyway because I didnt' really know how to talk about things I was struggling with and stuff.

have you thought of getting some help from elsewhere? How about Anorexia Bulimia Care http://www.anorexiabulimiacare.co.uk/ you can phone them as well and talk to someone who understands what it's like.

Or Abbie knows someone called Helena Wilkinson who runs events on eating disorders at Nicholaston House in Wales... http://www.nicholastonhouse.org/Programme.aspx

I'm sure Abbie's mentioned it in another thread recently.

Is there anyone nearby you can talk to? Keep talking to us if not.

Hang in there

E x
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Postby cloudy_day » Wed Apr 16, 2008 12:04 am

Ive not got anyone else I can really talk to, no one seems to understand or takes me seriously. I did have a lcose friend I talked to, but she gave up on me as I was getting worse and not doing what she suggested. It hurt so much and made me worse as the one person I thought I could trust left.

Its just so hard. I used to love food but now I hate it, I just dont want to eat, but my whole day and thoughts are on it. Even thought I dont eat it. It controls my whole day, my life, my everything, I wanna be free from it all.

But it has a hold on me. Im trying hard to stop thinking the way I do and to start living right but I just cant.

Everything I should do, I dont do, and everything I shouldint do, I do. Its all so wrong, and makes me feel so bad. People dont see me how I really am, and if they did they wouldint like me, so I put up a front and hide whats really going on, as in me is not nice stuff and I know its al wrong.
cloudy_day
 
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Postby cloudy_day » Fri Apr 18, 2008 7:52 am

I know not eating I will gain weight in the end. Its just so hard. I want to be thin.

Is it best to just nbot eat at all and I will loose weight, or live on water, or eat just a little bit a day or what?

I just want to like my body, had two lots of surgery done to make myself look better but it aint making me feel nay better about myself!! And yet I still choose to get more done.

Any suggestions? Or reasons for this all?
I cant make sense of it.
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Postby Eppie » Fri Apr 18, 2008 9:47 pm

Hey Cloudy Day - i'm so sorry you're struggling and finding it hard to make sense of it all.

I dont' know if this is any help at all, but something that i've realised quite recently is that I just can't be as thin as part of my mind still tells me I want to be, and actually manage to life the kind of life I want to. The times since my main recovery that i've made a mess and not eaten enough, I actually feel so miserable and don't have the energy to do any of the things that usually make me happy or lift my spirits, so i'm trying to get used to the idea that it's better not to be stick thin but be happier. I think that's a really hard thing to get your head round and it probably won't seem very real until you do begin to eat a bit and it lifts your mood becuase it gives your body some much needed energy.

I'm not a doctor or anything, but I'd guess it was good to try and be eating even just a little bit everyday if you can - just to keep your blood sugar levels and stuff a little bit stable, and to give you body some fuel, and to keep your body used to processing food. does it help if you have things which are easy to eat and don't take a lot of thinking about cos you can pretty much just swallow - like yoghurt or soup, fruit juice or milk?

can you think of anything you like about your body? Like I do struggle with mine still sometimes, but lots of people have told me that I have a nice smile, so sometimes if I feel really grot, then I try and smile at people even more than usual and bring out a bit of me that is good (and maybe blesses someone else!) Or I try and do something nice with my hair, or wear a nice necklace or a ring... things that will make me feel nice without maybe actually focusing on my body so much.

I was reading a book on the train this week that says how we are PCOG - Phenomenal Creations of God's. I bet that's so hard to believe when you feel so low hon - but that's you too.

Do you feel you could call ABC to get some support? It sounds as if you could do with someone to talk to who would understand what you are going though.

E x
Eppie
 
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Postby janice » Fri Apr 25, 2008 8:27 am

I don't know if I should post here or not. I did have a few years where I was "almost anorexic" as a teen but these days I do the opposite. I eat when I'm stressed. I just seem to loose my will power. I don't totally stuff myself but I do loose any self discipline and eat lots of snacks .
Janice
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Postby cloudy_day » Sun May 04, 2008 5:26 pm

Im having a really crap time at the mo with food.

I have gone from not eating hardly anything, to now when I am alone I binge eat so much, not even really tasting it but just wanting to get the next mouth full in. What is happening I am so scared! Its making me even more fat and feel worser than I already felt!!! I keep hiding food etc
cloudy_day
 
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Postby Eppie » Mon May 05, 2008 10:30 am

Hey Cloudy Day... sorry it's so tough and you're struggling.
Don't panic.
Can you think if there is anything else going on that's affecting how you feel and how you eat?
E x
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Postby diamondshine » Tue May 06, 2008 11:53 pm

I've been running away from my eating for a long time.

Looking at me, I'm not thin or anything. The opposite really.

But the more I try to avoid it, the worse the patterns get.

I've got a dietetics study day at work next week and have to do a food diary for 24 hours. I'm petrified. Either I've gotta lie or it will look absolutely terrible. I know it's only 24 hours but i don't think i could honestly do that and it not look gapingly bad for any day in past few months.

Sorry to moan, the whole food area is totally new to me! And doubly scary.
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Postby Eppie » Wed May 07, 2008 7:04 pm

I'm sorry it's so scary Diamondshine. If it's any help I have an illness which means I've had to do long food diaries for dieticans and the hospital several times over the last few years, and as someone who has also had an eating disorder, each time it freaks me out incase they think I eat too much or too little or the wrong things, or at the wrong times... but actually it's always been ok. The first time I had to do it, it did turn out I wasn't doing ok with my choices, but they weren't harsh at all - they just made helpful suggestions to help me with how to do better. And a few times since they've just suggested tweaks to me that would make it better for me.

Is there any way you could turn the threat into a positive in your mind... will you be able to look at other people's and get more of an idea about what normal is? I know at times when I've lost my perspective on what normal is, it helps to know what normal people do with food (the only thing I'd say is do try and make sure the ones you look at are normal!!)

Keep telling us how you're feeling

E x
Eppie
 
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Postby cloudy_day » Thu May 08, 2008 2:19 pm

At my college we have been fatsting for three days! And it finishes 2moz!! I am so tempted to see how long I can go on for!!

I thought it was going to be really hard and that I wouldint be able to do it, vbut the fact is I ahve not even felt hungry!!

When I do start to eat again, what is the best thing to start off on?
cloudy_day
 
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Postby lepry » Fri May 09, 2008 5:06 am

whatever you eat cloudy_day eat it in small amounts but regularly other wise you will feel ill after a three day fast x
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grrrr hating myself

Postby diamondshine » Fri May 09, 2008 9:41 pm

Thanks Eppie.

In all honesty I do not know how i feel right now. I guess I'm shutting it all out like I know i shuldn't be.

Today was a horrendous day at work. I really do not want to go back tomoro.

I need to make a proper meal. And stop eating. I so wish that i could stop eating. Except when I don't eat and then it all just gets even more confusing. But tonight, i need to stop eating.

Tis a stupid viscious circle, i know. I get like this cos i hate myself, so then I do stupid things with eating and harming and then i hate myself even more...and it goes on.

I'm sorry for random ramble and moan, am not quite sure what to do with myself this evening.
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Postby cloudy_day » Thu May 29, 2008 1:56 pm

What your saying diamondshine makes a lot of sense.
I would encourage you to find something you like to do, or even make your self do something to distract you from the thoughts of eating and sh etc.

I go and walk or do craft work, or write a poem or write anything, do something to take away your mind being focused on what it is that you focus on if that makes sense. I know that its hard to do, I find it hard to do too. But try. the more you try the easier it will get!!!
cloudy_day
 
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Postby cloudy_day » Sat Jun 14, 2008 10:46 am

Its so annoying, I used to like to eat food, and enjoyed food. But now its my biggest enemy but still I cant stop myself from eating, and when I do I find myself not being able to stop and then I feel even worse cause Ive eaten.

I have tried to share about this at college but they basically tell me off for focusing on myself and not on God. Its not easy when you feel crap, do you know what I mean.

Im just so fed up with life, I want to just mpove away and be on my own away from everyone for ever.
cloudy_day
 
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Postby Hash » Sat Jun 21, 2008 8:10 am

Cloudy,

Why don't you start your own thread about this so that you get some support on these issues you are struggling with

Hash
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Postby cloudy_day » Wed Jun 25, 2008 5:28 pm

When is the conference help weekend thing on eating disorders. I want to come. Im fed up of being like this now, I want help and have realised I need help now.
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