Tempted

For and about self harmers / people with other issues

Tempted

Postby mermaidzen » Wed Jun 24, 2015 10:59 am

Hi all sorry not been around much but have had loads going on It's been 2&1/2yrs since I last harmed and 2 years since had any thoughts to but today feel really low and keep thinking about harming and how it use to make me feel and that when I felt numb like now it made me feel real again.
The 10th would have been my 20th wedding Anniversary and the 12th was 5 yrs ago that my husband walk out on me. Also he filed for devoice 2nths ago but I seam to cope with all that it's just now. I have tried all the normal things to lift my mood but nothing seams to be working.
I just don't understand how after 2&1/2yrs I can be thinking of going back to SH. :cry:
Zen

Remember God loves you :) I know he loves me as well and has a plan for me :) just wish he would hurry up with it as I can't take much more of this pain :(
mermaidzen
 
Posts: 445
Joined: Wed Aug 26, 2009 10:49 pm
Location: Hitchin Hertfordshire

Re: Tempted

Postby Eppie » Thu Jun 25, 2015 7:18 pm

Hi Zen, I'm so sorry you were feeling so low when you posted.
Amazing amazing to hear that you have been 2 and a half years without harming tho! Don't lose sight of that in the midst of the pain at the moment.

How long have you been feeling low for? would you think of seeing your gp, or booking an ppt for a couple of weeks time as a safety net? Sometimes it's hard d to work out where feeling bad comes from isn't it. Something I've tried recently with very bad anxiety is to acknowledge it's there, and try not to let it freak me out. Wondering big anything similar would work with how you're feeling?

E x
Eppie
 
Posts: 2440
Joined: Sat Jul 30, 2005 8:31 am

Re: Tempted

Postby mermaidzen » Mon Jun 29, 2015 8:55 am

Thanks Eppie
June is a hard month for me as 10th is my wedding anniversary this year is 20yrs and the 12 is the day hubby walked out 5yrs ago. Few months ago he started divorce paperwork so guess that hasn't helped. Also my CPN has just changed and only seen the new one twice once with my old one so say hi and once on her own and she didn't know about my past so had to go through all that again. Why can't they dam well read my notes through before they meet me as would really help.
Not sure when I am next seeing her either as we didn't make a new appoimnet. Hopefully she will be at the TAF today so can sort it out.
Have managed not to harm again so far but it's not been easy and yesterday when I was sorting few more boxes from the mth at Christmas time I came across my SH box and had to move it. I was good and left it in the shed but a while ago I would have thrown it in the bin but can do that at the moment.
Will keep swimming I don't want to drown but it keeps coming close.
Zen

Remember God loves you :) I know he loves me as well and has a plan for me :) just wish he would hurry up with it as I can't take much more of this pain :(
mermaidzen
 
Posts: 445
Joined: Wed Aug 26, 2009 10:49 pm
Location: Hitchin Hertfordshire

Re: Tempted

Postby Eppie » Fri Jul 03, 2015 5:39 pm

Sorry it was a hard month Zen. I hope that you managed to get another appointment with the CPN and are getting the support that you need. Sometimes it's hard to see how we are doing ourselves, but it sounds to me as if you're doing really well and being really sensible in difficult circumstances.
E x
Eppie
 
Posts: 2440
Joined: Sat Jul 30, 2005 8:31 am

Re: Tempted

Postby mermaidzen » Wed Jul 15, 2015 11:03 pm

Thanks still not manage to connect with CPN and feeling washout right now no more thoughts of harming just feel numb as though nothing is real
Zen

Remember God loves you :) I know he loves me as well and has a plan for me :) just wish he would hurry up with it as I can't take much more of this pain :(
mermaidzen
 
Posts: 445
Joined: Wed Aug 26, 2009 10:49 pm
Location: Hitchin Hertfordshire


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