harmed ***maytrig sh******

For and about self harmers / people with other issues

harmed ***maytrig sh******

Postby Hash » Thu Jun 05, 2014 7:23 pm

i currently can't use my left arm as i harmed bad, i haven't slept in days and my appetite is zero

my psych has put me on quetiapine i hope i sleep and i start feeling better

Peters mad that i harmed bad

hash
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Re: harmed ***maytrig sh******

Postby Keziah » Thu Jun 05, 2014 10:47 pm

So sorry to hear that. Have you got medical treatment for your arm? Will you need further treatment for it or time for healing? Praying it will heal without issue.

Hope the quietipaine helps. When I was at my worst my psychiatrist prescribed that - she said that if she ever needed treatment herself her ideal meds would be sertraline and quietipaine ( for depression this was). Hope it helps.

Are you able to take any medication for sleep? Lack of sleep makes me feel so much worse. Will pray for some sleep too.
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Re: harmed ***maytrig sh******

Postby Eppie » Fri Jun 06, 2014 6:06 am

I'm sorry it's been such a difficult week Hash. Any indication how long your arm will take to heal? Are you able to do things which encourage you to be kind to yourself this week? Take care. E x
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Re: harmed ***maytrig sh******

Postby Hash » Fri Jun 06, 2014 8:12 pm

It should heal better in this sling. plastics have given me the all clear.

I'm worried about sally, she hasn`t been around.

i have booked for stitches to come out in two weeks.

The quetiapine helps with sleep. I had an amazing sleep last night after being awake 24 hours.

saw my gp today she is pleased about the changes in meds and she's so supportive.

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Re: harmed ***maytrig sh******

Postby Hash » Fri Jun 13, 2014 2:56 pm

I am feeling like I want to harm again and I am trying to distract and stop myself but its not easy.

my Quetiapine has been increased and my AD is at its maximum level it can't go any higher.

My stitches come out on Monday and I am dreading it as I am worried the skin has grown over the stitches because I have had it positioned in a sling for the last two weeks.

We have family therapy on Monday and I see Thomas on Tuesday.

Hash
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Re: harmed ***maytrig sh******

Postby Keziah » Fri Jun 13, 2014 7:05 pm

Hi hope Mon's appointment goes well. Sorry to hear how bad it has been, but good news that you do not need anymore treatment with it.

Are the medication changes helping or is the change of medication a reason for how you fell maybe? Des setting up a reward help with distractions?

Has family therapy helped with your self harm? I hope it is positive for you and not making things worse.
Is it your psychiatrist you are seeing ( Thomas?) - if so am sure he can assess whether your medications are causing things to be worse and change if necessary.

It is good you are trying and it is ok whatever happens is what I found helpful to hear.
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Re: harmed ***maytrig sh******

Postby Hash » Fri Jun 13, 2014 7:52 pm

It has been a nightmare not being able to use my left arm for two weeks.

No the changes in medications are helping I am much improved from two weeks ago when I was suicidal.

Leon is my psychiatrist and i see him on friday and Thomas is my therapist and i see him tuesday.

family therapy is really good and I find it really helpful and Peter finds it helpful too.

Hash
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Re: harmed ***maytrig sh******

Postby Keziah » Fri Jun 13, 2014 9:55 pm

That is really encouraging to hear new medication is helping so hopefully things will improve each day for you.

Ah ok. Sorry thought you and stopped your group therapy - is this new therapy for you? Hope it is helpful for you in that case.

You must be looking forward to no sling and more independence then.

Good your family therapy is helping you both recover, manage etc.

Do you have any nice holiday plans to look forward to or some thing like that which can help you not harm? Sorry, just trying to think of things for you.
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Re: harmed ***maytrig sh******

Postby sally » Tue Jun 17, 2014 1:35 pm

Hash,

I am really glad to hear that the change in meds is finally starting to help with your mood and sleep. I pray that continues to improve.

Sorry you have damaged your arm and I do pray that will continue to heal and return to as much use as possible.

Do you see your therapist and psychologist both weekly? It's great you and Peter both find the family therapy so helpful.

I am praying for you today,
Sally
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Re: harmed ***maytrig sh******

Postby Hash » Thu Jun 19, 2014 7:50 pm

kezzie,

I don't have any holiday plans only new zealand in December and maybe Dorset in September. I dont like to go away in the height of the summer because I don't like the heat and the dogs don't like the heat and all the people out and about.

My parents are going away for the whole of August and my inlaws are going away as well so its going to be a tough summer, My therapist is going away for two weeks in July and two weeks in August so I will be alone. However saying that my house group have said let us know the dates you are alone and we will cover them.

My arm is out of its sling and although I am lacking movement in my wedding ring finger the rest is okay.

I really want to harm again but I am giving some time as my family were so so upset when I harmed last time

Sally, glad you are okay I was worried about you, I see my therapist every other week and I see my psychiatrist every week at the moment, he specifies when i see him and he wanted to closely monitor me on these tablets. THe sleep is going okay although its probably half good and half bad, I have learnt that getting out of bed and coming downstairs really helps with getting to sleep afterwards, just leaving twenty minutes to do something different and then go back to bed.

I would say my mood is probably a five out of ten, ten being good or maybe a six at times.

Hash
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Re: harmed ***maytrig sh******

Postby sally » Fri Jun 20, 2014 1:35 pm

Hash,

I'm glad you have most movement still in your arm. Let's pray that even movement in your ring finger will improve with time.

Sorry you have the prospect of some time without parents or inlaws for support and while your therapist is on leave too. I pray your house group support is something you can use and find helpful. I too find it hard when my Mum goes away.

Hash, I apologise that my quietness on the site left you worried. Thank you for caring.

Praying for you now,
sally
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Re: harmed ***maytrig sh******

Postby Hash » Fri Jun 20, 2014 7:35 pm

I am really struggling today, I had nightmares when Peter left this morning and I was left scared to move out of bed so I didn't go for my depot and I had all these phone calls wondering where I was, I have managed to reschedule my depot for monday, I am feeling really low like a two out of ten or a three out of ten. I have had to resort to taking PRN medication as my urges to harm are very strong and I am hanging on by a shoe string.

I went to see the psychiatrist, leon, today and I was really struggling so he talked me through how to get through the afternoon without self harming. He increased my Quetiapine to 150mg at night but I have had to order in the meds so I don't have the meds for tonight which is a shame. Last nights sleep was horrible.

Hash
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Re: harmed ***maytrig sh******

Postby sally » Sun Jun 22, 2014 8:24 pm

Hash,

how has your w/e worked out? I'm really sorry you had such a hard day on Friday. you did well getting to your appointment with Leon. It's good he helped you plan ways to get through the afternoon without harming.

I hope the increase in dose helps with some better sleep and starts to lift your mood and ease the urges.

Sorry not to reply sooner, but I wasn't around over the w/e

Sally
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Re: harmed ***maytrig sh******

Postby Hash » Tue Jun 24, 2014 3:02 pm

No need to apologise sally you don't have to be around all the time.

The weekend went okay, we did some washing and went out for dinner with my in laws for my father in laws birthday. The dogs were groomed and they look really good now.

I feel just awful I really want to self harm I am not sleeping particularly well and life is just hard work. My dad is being a ******* and I am having to really control myself but I really want to self harm big time.

The increased dose is not making much difference and I am feeling I need more in order to feel better.

my Psychiatrist is being a gem and I think he is definitely doing the right thing working my meds up slowly its just a painful process.

Hash
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Re: harmed ***maytrig sh******

Postby sally » Tue Jun 24, 2014 4:33 pm

Hash,

i'm sorry each day is feeling such a struggle. You are doing really well each day you manage to get through without harming. I know it's made harder too when you don't sleep so well, so I pray that improves.

I'm glad you have trust in your psychiatrist as he works with your meds to try to raise your mood and help with urges. You're right though, it is a slow process and in the meantime you are still battling such hard feelings and thoughts.

Nice to hear the dogs are looking well trimmed now! What things have you got planned for this week?

Sally
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Re: harmed ***maytrig sh******

Postby Hash » Thu Jun 26, 2014 8:57 pm

I went to the Matisse exhibition at the Tate Modern on the South bank of London on Wednesday with my father in law and it was really good.

Today I went to see my psychiatrist in Central London and he upped my Quetiapine to 200 mg which I hope will make me sleep. He said his aim is to increase my quetiapine to 300mg and give me some lee way to take some more Q as PRN ( as and when needed) which will be a great help.

I am going to Swanage with my hubbie on Friday night and I am really looking forward to a bit of sea and sun although its meant to rain all weekend.

I still have the urges to harm and I am really tempted to harm soon, my dad has really been naughty sending me demanding emails and its really upset me. My mum is in Paris at the moment with my brother.

Hash
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Re: harmed ***maytrig sh******

Postby Eppie » Sat Jun 28, 2014 5:57 pm

Sorry you have been so upset Hash. How is it going being away this weekend? E x
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Re: harmed ***maytrig sh******

Postby Hash » Mon Jun 30, 2014 11:17 pm

this weekend has been really good! Ive felt fine and slept well on one of the days.

I am struggling with insomnia big time,

I think Im going to harm on Wednesday, its my next free day.

Hash
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Re: harmed ***maytrig sh******

Postby sally » Tue Jul 01, 2014 1:59 pm

I'm really glad you had such a good w/e and one good nights sleep!
I'm praying for you,
sally
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Re: harmed ***maytrig sh******

Postby sally » Wed Jul 02, 2014 2:04 pm

Hello Hash,
How have you been feeling this week? I've been praying for you especially for today, that you manage to find ways to distract and not act on urges.
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