Fed Up with Life ***Trig Sui***

For and about self harmers / people with other issues

Fed Up with Life ***Trig Sui***

Postby Hash » Sat May 10, 2014 9:04 pm

I seem to be hibernating more and more and life is just too much everything feels such an effort and I can't manage it even eating and drinking and getting out of bed to go to the bathroom feels too much.

I have a plan just need to instigate it.

Peter knows I am Sui and he has been waiting for me to go to bed and sleep before he sleeps and today he made me breakfast in bed.

I am not up to phoning the crisis team and I can't be hastled with going to hospital and reporting myself I don't really want the help.

My Doc is still worried about me but she doesn't return from New York until thurs and I am due to see her Friday.

My therapist I don't see till the 20th but I have contacted him.

I see my family therapist thursday but I am not planning to be here till thursday.

Hash
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Re: Fed Up with Life ***Trig Sui***

Postby sally » Sun May 11, 2014 2:06 pm

Hash,

I don't know the right words to say. Please let Peter phone the crisis team for you. You matter too much to end your life.

I know you are in terrible pain and staying as you are feels unbearable but I know things can change. But if you kill yourself, you will never find out what that might be like.

Thank you for managing to post on here Hash.

I'm praying for you,
Sally
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Re: Fed Up with Life ***Trig Sui***

Postby Keziah » Sun May 11, 2014 5:12 pm

Hi, it sounds like in a few days you will have access to professional support. Is the therapist helping? Did your group therapist teach you any useful skills about how to cope when struggling like this? Do you have open access to a crisis team - which is an option or you could get your hubby to phone them for you.

Could you make an emergency appointment with another dr at your gp's if you need them to refer you for home intervention? Or crisis or whatever it is called there?

Do you know of any reasons for your slip in mood? Was having family visit too much, or is it being alone with less structure a problem? ( Personally i find time alone the hardest) If so can you arrange some things to fill the days until Thursday? You often find setting up a treat works, can you do some online browsing and think of some things you may like?
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Re: Fed Up with Life ***Trig Sui***

Postby Hash » Sun May 11, 2014 7:43 pm

Thanks peeps,

Currently trying to get some help but in such despair I can't see hope.

Crisis team in my area has really gone downhill.

Therapist not answering my calls it's the weekend.

I am really tempted to act

Hash
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Re: Fed Up with Life ***Trig Sui***

Postby Keziah » Sun May 11, 2014 8:16 pm

Hi Hash.
Crisis team sounds worth phoning even if you do not rate them.

When I have had therapy ( private or NHS) they have always had strict no contact out of session rules so maybe that is the case with your therapist? They always said to go to a gp or out of hours gp to get referred to crisis team so can you do that tonight - get an out of hours gp to refer to the crisis team services. Or do you have any prn medication you can take to help sedate you so calmer?

Hope you get what you need.
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Re: Fed Up with Life ***Trig Sui***

Postby Hash » Mon May 12, 2014 1:03 pm

ALl that the crisis team would offer me would be phone calls every day, they are short staffed and dont offer much.

I don't want phone calls and I don't think I even want someone in my home at the moment I am hibernating.

my Therapist was gallavanting abroad so he did not get my messages.

I am just in the process of booking a psychiatrist, it costs a fortune. Meds change is the plan so i am going to have to be really really strong

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Re: Fed Up with Life ***Trig Sui***

Postby Hash » Wed May 14, 2014 8:04 pm

Still hibernating with no energy to do anything.

I am not well at all and I am still Suicidal

Hash
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Re: Fed Up with Life ***Trig Sui***

Postby Keziah » Thu May 15, 2014 9:55 pm

Know a phone all daily from crisis not sound too helpful but may be better than nothing? You have done well to not self harm.

Ay chance you can see an NHS psychiatrist? Know the wait can be ages -3 months I waited for an " urgent" appointment a few years ago!! ( not on meds now so not needed). But worth it if finance an issue with private. Hope it is helpful for you anyway, good to review medication and tweak where necessary ad I found some drugs less useful after a time on them.

Hope the sunshine is tempting you out a bit with your dogs.
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Re: Fed Up with Life ***Trig Sui***

Postby Hash » Fri May 16, 2014 8:25 pm

No chance to see an NHS Psychiatrist it would be a one off appointment and I want a relationship thats ongoing they are only fire fighting in my area so only when your in crisis which I would be classed as will they see you and only as a one off not to change medication.

I will call on Crisis team if I need it this weekend or go to a and e

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Re: Fed Up with Life ***Trig Sui***

Postby Keziah » Sat May 17, 2014 3:30 pm

That is a shame. You have had longer term therapy recently on the NHS - did they not have a psychiatrist supervise your care for that that you can continue seeing? They may know you a bit and have access to your notes?

But I do agree with you there is little continuity of care in the NHS - for a physical health condition I have I have seen 3 consultants, locus and junior level dc's in a row. So I do not see any difference between mental or physical health treatment.

Hope it helps.

A and E sounds a good move if needed. Hope it is not.
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Re: Fed Up with Life ***Trig Sui***

Postby Hash » Sun May 18, 2014 7:40 pm

I was under a psychiatrist but I get discharged by her any day now on the NHS

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Re: Fed Up with Life ***Trig Sui***

Postby Keziah » Mon May 19, 2014 11:25 pm

I had a vague memory you were under one. Is it worth asking for a review of your medication before you discharged ( if discharged in mean time nothing lost!)

I know how frustrating it is right now in NHS. A family member of mine needs some tests doing but the dr said, oh it is a long 18 week wait at east and you will not get any treatment anyway because of xyz, so not referring you. Go private as onky way to get what you want. Grrrr!!! Not everyone has that choice!!
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Re: Fed Up with Life ***Trig Sui***

Postby Hash » Wed May 28, 2014 8:43 pm

I am in total despair, very low and doing nothing every day at the moment just surviving trying not to self harm and not to carry out the plans in my head.

I don't want to see that NHS consultant for one last time to have my meds all changed and then be discharged. I want consistent care so I am going private.

I want to die and the only reason I am not carrying out my plans is cos my meds have been increased and I need to give them a chance to work.

THen there is nothing stopping me

Hash
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Re: Fed Up with Life ***Trig Sui***

Postby Keziah » Thu May 29, 2014 10:15 am

Hope you get the appointment and review soon - sorry to hear you are struggling Hash.

Do you have any nice activities coming up to look forward to - places to visit, shopping trip, seeing someone. Does planning things into a week help you?
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Re: Fed Up with Life ***Trig Sui***

Postby Hash » Thu May 29, 2014 7:50 pm

planning things into my week just terrifies me rather than making me feel peaceful I feel really anxious,

Ive had my appointment with the psych and he upped my tablets to above the recommended dose of anti depressants.

He also gave me double the dose of sleeping tablets but its still taking me ages to fall asleep and my thoughts before I go to sleep are so scary!

they are scary most of the day whatever I am doing as well but its scary being on your own with the thoughts

I see the psych next week on thursday, for an update on my mood and the meds,

I went out with my mum today which was a step forward

Hash
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Re: Fed Up with Life ***Trig Sui***

Postby Eppie » Fri May 30, 2014 6:30 am

I'm sorry it's so awful Hash. Well done for going out with your mum yday.
Have you tried story few at bedtime or in the night? I have trouble sleeping sometimes when I'm not well and thoughts are so scary when it's the night somehow. But story few are a good distraction for me. E x
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Re: Fed Up with Life ***Trig Sui***

Postby Hash » Thu Jun 05, 2014 7:17 pm

whats that eppie?
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Re: Fed Up with Life ***Trig Sui***

Postby Eppie » Fri Jun 06, 2014 6:03 am

Oh, sorryz that's what comes of writing on my phone! It should say story cds!
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