Cutting ****trig sh *****

For and about self harmers / people with other issues

Re: Cutting ****trig sh *****

Postby Hash » Thu Apr 03, 2014 9:25 pm

The ballet was ace, I saw Sleeping Beauty with Peter and I really enjoyed it. It was magical.

The transport was okay I managed to get the train to waterloo and change to the underground to covent garden.

*****may trigger*******

I am really wanting to self harm I really want to cause some damage tomorrow and I am struggling to find a way through without self harming.

Hash
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Re: Cutting ****trig sh *****

Postby sally » Fri Apr 04, 2014 1:22 pm

Hash,

how are you feeling today? Are urges still very strong?
What have you thought of you could do that may help you delay or distract through the day until Peter comes in from work?

I'm really glad you enjoyed the ballet and the journey there was straightforward. Well done,

praying for you right now,
Sally
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Re: Cutting ****trig sh *****

Postby Eppie » Sat Apr 05, 2014 6:41 pm

oooh sleeping beauty at covent garden sounds amazing. I have seen swan lake and nutcracker there - amazing.
Sorry you were feeling so tempted to harm though. How has today been in the end?
E x
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Re: Cutting ****trig sh *****

Postby Hash » Sun Apr 06, 2014 7:42 pm

I ended up calling my father in law as I was desperate and it was looking bleak so he was free and he spent the day with me.

I am so blessed to have such a good family

Tomorrow I have got my friend coming with her baby and daughter of five so we are taking Missy out for a walk.

a day at a time and struggling through and I will get there, there is little therapy att the moment even my family therapist is away till the end of april.

Hash
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Re: Cutting ****trig sh *****

Postby Hash » Tue Apr 08, 2014 4:56 pm

THis is almost an hourly battle well it is an hourly battle it is really hard to manage and I am struggling all the way.

My group got cancelled this morning and I don't know whether to see my therapist whether she wants me to go tomorrow or not and if not what do I do.

I am really struggling, Peter is out tonight till eleven and I have an hour before I can't get my blades in the shops and I am alone and all I keep thinking is I want to cut.

Hash
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Re: Cutting ****trig sh *****

Postby Keziah » Tue Apr 08, 2014 7:00 pm

Hash sorry it is confusing with the appointment being canceled - why not go unless you get a call to say it is cancelled. I guess with Easter coming up there will be holidays etc so worthy going this week if it is on?

Hope you got through those hours. Did you get a good walk with your dogs today to distract? Really sunny here.
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Re: Cutting ****trig sh *****

Postby sally » Tue Apr 08, 2014 8:57 pm

Hello Hash,

it's a hard battle, hour by hour, minute by minute when urges get so strong. You did really well the other day calling your Father-in-law when the struggle was so great and that worked out well as he was able to come and spend time with you. We are fortunate when we have the support of family, even if they get it wrong sometimes!!

It sounds as if it would be helpful if you can have your session with your therapist tomorrow. You were informed that the group was cancelled today and you haven't been contacted about your individual session so that should mean it's still on. I know uncertainty is difficult but I agree with Kezzie about going along tomorrow. Have you got something lined up for later to help you through the rest of the day?

Still praying for you,
Sally
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Re: Cutting ****trig sh *****

Postby Hash » Wed Apr 09, 2014 7:55 pm

I'm at the end of my rope I can't do this. I am medicating myself throughout the day just to get through, I really want to harm but Peter is trying to get me not to with rewards etc so realistically I need to get through till next week before I can harm then I am free to harm.

I have an appt with the doctor tomorrow at 4:30pm and I have my depot injection and I have emailed her.

Peter is looking at what we can do to sort out my desperation and he's thinking we book me in with my old DBT CBT therapist.

I don't really care either way I am going to harm and its going to escalate.

Hash
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Re: Cutting ****trig sh *****

Postby sally » Thu Apr 10, 2014 1:49 pm

(((((((( Hash ))))))))))

I can hear how desperate you are feeling! I'm really sorry things feel so unmanageable and urges are looming so strong. could you phone someone to be with you today to help you get through until Peter comes home?

Each moment you get through is a success and you are doing really well by the sounds of it in talking with Peter and working to different rewards to try to get through.

Do you think you might be able to talk with someone when you go for your depot? I pray your appointment with the GP is helpful too.

Peters idea of contacting your previous therapist is definitely worth trying if you are will to at least meet with her?

I am praying for you right now Hash,

Sally
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Re: Cutting ****trig sh *****

Postby Hash » Fri Apr 11, 2014 8:14 pm

GP said she wants me to have someone else to talk to when she is not there so I am having a meeting with her and a Male GP on Monday to talk about whether he could be my GP on TUesdays and Wednesdays as my GP is available Mondays Thursdays and Fridays and in particular she is worried I email her and she can't get back to me so Think of me I am really not sure about it but whatever I see them on Monday at 4:20pm.

She also said I can see her mondays and fridays until things get better if I want to.

Theres the usual Crisis team and A and E

I stayed in bed till 6:30 today I just couldn't face the day I was exhausted and cancelled everything,

Hash
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Re: Cutting ****trig sh *****

Postby sally » Fri Apr 11, 2014 8:39 pm

Hash,

I hope meeting with a second GP on Monday along with your usual lady GP is the start of something helpful and more supportive. It seems that she is aware of how hard things are for you at the moment and wants to find a good way to respond.

Do you think you might take her up on her offer of seeing her regularly on a Monday and Friday?

It's OK to have a day hiding away in bed - as long as it doesn't happen too often.

Not sure if you will read this over the w/e as you don't tend to post but I will be thinking of you.
Sally
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Re: Cutting ****trig sh *****

Postby Hash » Tue Apr 15, 2014 7:07 pm

I stayed in bed monday and tuesday and cancelled the GP's I could not face going out of the house.

I am worried about things I seem to keep safe if i do nothing all day and don't get dressed and I sleep cos of my meds. I have really tried not to act on the impulsive and intrusive thoughts that are getting worse I am not sure for how long I can keep it together.

I am having suicidal thoughts about killing myself when we go down to Dorset at the weekend. I am not sure what to do. Peter knows some of what I am going through and he normally takes my clothes and shoes away from me at night when I am more likely to act and puts them in the car but I have been known to walk out of the caravan in my pyjamas.

My sister comes on Saturday from New Zealand.

Hash
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Re: Cutting ****trig sh *****

Postby Keziah » Tue Apr 15, 2014 7:49 pm

I hope the visit of your sister is something nice to look forward to. Hope having some nice trips planned is helpful for you. Do you find it easier when have people around and plans and structure or is it more stressful for you?

Could you think about some of the skills and techniques you have learnt in therapy this past cycle and see if any if those tips can help you? Sometimes sleeping and resting can work.

Great your gp offering you weekly slots and allows you to email, sounds a great support and helpful you can see gp if you wish to.
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Re: Cutting ****trig sh *****

Postby Hash » Thu Apr 17, 2014 7:31 pm

I'm really heavily suicidal nothing seems important including time with Jenny and Easter and my birthday nothing seems important.

I am only safe because I have been liaising with the one above and know he took our pain on himself so we don't need to cause anymore pain to ourselves.By his wounds we are healed. maybe not now but in the life ahead.

Hash
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Re: Cutting ****trig sh *****

Postby sally » Fri Apr 18, 2014 5:17 pm

Hash,

I can hear how hopeless and desperate you are feeling at the moment. It is such a painful, horrible place to be. I'm so thankful you have been talking to the one above, who is close to you right now and loves you.

How are you feeling today? When does Pete get time off and when will you be going to Dorset? Would it be worth asking him to take your clothes at night to try to help you stay as safe as possible?

Could you talk with the crisis team just for a one off conversation before you go?

thinking of you so much and praying for you Hash,
Sally
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Re: Cutting ****trig sh *****

Postby Keziah » Sat Apr 19, 2014 9:05 am

Hi, not sure if you on holiday now or at home - but either way can you contact the crisis team for support? Hope being away and having family visit is a good distraction.
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Re: Cutting ****trig sh *****

Postby Hash » Sun Apr 20, 2014 4:56 pm

Crisis team are no help when I am away from home they just say come home. Samaritans have been supporting me whilst away and things have been kept in the car at night including my meds. I'm really really anxious and stressed really on the edge.njust using dads IPad. No signal at caravan.
Hash
 
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Re: Cutting ****trig sh *****

Postby sally » Sun Apr 20, 2014 6:07 pm

Hash,

I'm really sorry to hear how anxious and on edge you are feeling. Do you have any antianxiety meds with you of some sort?

Very frustrating not having reception either! I know that from when we go camping too - also in Dorset!

I am praying for you right now, that Father God will come close and surround you with His peace and help you, moment by moment to get through today until you can take night meds and escape in to the safety of some refreshing, safe sleep.

You are very precious. I know you may not agree with that with the way you are feeling at the moment, but Father god created you as unique and adores you and wants to see you come through to a place of health and hope.

Sally
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Re: Cutting ****trig sh *****

Postby sally » Wed Apr 23, 2014 2:10 pm

Hello Hash,

thinking of you and wondering how you have been feeling over the last couple of days?
Are you back at home now after your caravan trip?

Sally
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Re: Cutting ****trig sh *****

Postby Hash » Thu May 01, 2014 8:19 pm

Apologies for not being on. my sister was over and we had a big party and things were crazy then I just spent days in bed doing nothing.

Went to my GP's today she was worried about my continual low mood and she was saying she doesn't want to change my meds but she will if she has to.

She is going away this next week so I see her in two weeks time to talk about my future etc.

I see my new therapist in two weeks.

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