I'm not sure how much more I can cope with *tri SH & sui*

For and about self harmers / people with other issues

I'm not sure how much more I can cope with *tri SH & sui*

Postby Frodosgirl » Sun Dec 29, 2013 1:13 pm

I know Christmas is supposed to be a special time to spend with your family or loved ones but what if that is not the case. What if you spend the time wishing you had those things & having to accept that even in a marriage & family you can be utterly alone. My Christmas Day was spent either watching my husband sleep or scream at me. I was grateful to work the following 2 days because at least I could be busy & away from home. My family are not exactly a loving family & I try my hardest to keep away from them, I don't live near them anyway.

Leading up to Christmas has been a living hell, I am struggling to even keep friendships going as it feels like I have to do all the work & I just cannot manage that right now. My husband has been going through a really hard time at his workplace & has either demanded my constant support, which I have given willingly, or taken all of it out on me. He swings from being moody, silent & brooding, to screaming at me & barking orders at me.

I tried to go to church this morning but almost at once wished I could run out of the building & hide away somewhere, I want to be around people but once I am around people I want to be on my own.

I spent a lot of time in the summer supporting a work colleague who was going through a rough time, only to find out that she had totally betrayed me. I decided the best thing to do was to back off as I was so hurt by her, she is now telling everyone that I have hurt & disappointed her as I am distant with her! I have not said a word to anyone as I do not feel right defending myself, that is surely God's job, not mine.

I SH on Christmas Day & I feel I have to again as all I can do is bury all my emotions deep inside. I have prayed & begged God to let me die every evening for weeks now.

I just feel so very alone.
One more day.....
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Re: I'm not sure how much more I can cope with *tri SH & sui*

Postby sally » Sun Dec 29, 2013 9:33 pm

I'm so sorry you are going through so much and home-life has become this volatile. And friendships being difficult as well.

I definitely know that Christmas can just highlight loneliness as we imagine every other family having a happy time and can be very painful for some. It sounds like it has been a very difficult time of year for you.

Do you have a counsellor or therapist, a church leader or GP you could contact to talk through some of how you are feeling? That may help relieve the intensity of urges for DSH. Do you ever try to write things down?

You must be very tired, being carer for your husband, working and the constant tension and stress. Well done managing to post on here so we can at least be praying for you too. I'm sorry to hear that church didn't bring you comfort this morning and both being alone and being around others is not feeling OK just now.

I am praying for you now and thinking of you lots,
sally
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Re: I'm not sure how much more I can cope with *tri SH & sui*

Postby Keziah » Sun Dec 29, 2013 11:36 pm

Sounds like a tough time and place to be in, so am not surprised by how you feel. When not valued or treated well by others it can be very hard to think positively or treat ourselves well. I counsellor I once saw used the compassion therapy model and although I could only afford a few sessions with her what stuck with me from those times were the most life changing things I have ever got from MH treatments:
If you always do what you have always done you will always get what you have always got
You are doing the best you can and it is good enough
Be kind to yourself,

Sometimes changes need to be made in order to change how we are, sometimes accepting ourselves and being kind to ourself can help.

No easy answers I am afraid. You sound a very giving and caring person and it sounds like unless you care for yourself ou do not get a lot back.

I hope being able to work is a good distraction for you. And you can build things or times into your week that can give you a bit of pleasure or positive thoughts, to help.
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Re: I'm not sure how much more I can cope with *tri SH & sui*

Postby Hash » Mon Dec 30, 2013 10:16 pm

Who can you turn to for support at this time FG? Is there anyone at church who you can talk to?

We are here but can only be supportive in a virtual sense and not a real sense you need more than that.

I am sorry you self harmed on Christmas day but I am glad you came back to talk to us about yourself and your struggles.

Maybe you need to put some distance between yourself and your husband at this time if he is being so abusive, is there anyone you could stay with at this time?

Hash
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Re: I'm not sure how much more I can cope with *tri SH & sui*

Postby Frodosgirl » Tue Dec 31, 2013 9:29 pm

Thank you for your replies, I contacted my pastor & explained how I was feeling, he sent me a very loving & caring email assuring me at I am not alone & that he longs for & prays for the day when I will feel free. I even explained my SH to him & he did not condemn me but said he was sad it had happened but prayed for a day when I no longer needed to use it. I had gone so many years without it. I do not have anywhere safe to go, I cannot see my counsellor for at least another 2 weeks. The irony is, I told told this person at work that I could not help & support her as an act of looking after & caring for myself as not only did she betray me but I felt she was taking all I could give & lots more besides, I felt drained. I think I understand now at if she was actually a friend she would have cared about my physical & mental health too.

I have not SH since Christmas Day & am going to go back to finding an alternative in an attempt to remind myself that I have a choice & need to start looking after me rather than taking my anger out on me. I just need to get through January, my Husband has a lot of time off in January which makes life much more difficult as he is around the house a lot more during the day when I get most of my chores done on days off. He tends to demand my almost constant attention, there will be little or no respite, it is one reason why I have supported him working even after his strokes.

I think I have some tough decisions ahead of me, it is just so very hard to decide to keep working on a relationship or walk away from It.
One more day.....
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Re: I'm not sure how much more I can cope with *tri SH & sui*

Postby Hash » Thu Jan 02, 2014 11:07 pm

Can you meet with your pastor?

Keep talking to your counsellor about your relationship with your husband, Have you thought about going to the GP's and asking for family / couples therapy, we have it and it is really helpful for my husband and I and I would have thought they would give you priority. it is basically an opportunity to repair your relationship and talk about things.

Well done for not harming again and looking for other methods to cope with things.

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Re: I'm not sure how much more I can cope with *tri SH & sui*

Postby Frodosgirl » Fri Jan 03, 2014 12:43 am

He won't go to anything like that, he doesn't see that there is a problem. I feel so very worthless.
One more day.....
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Re: I'm not sure how much more I can cope with *tri SH & sui*

Postby Hash » Sat Jan 04, 2014 9:09 pm

but he is abusive???

Sounds like the choice is in your hands whether you stay with him or say enough's enough.

Hash
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Re: I'm not sure how much more I can cope with *tri SH & sui*

Postby sally » Sun Jan 05, 2014 8:17 pm

I am praying Father God will comes close at this hard time, bringing his comfort and love. I pray He will help you and protect you in this month while your husband will be home more and I am praying for you in any decisions you do make about the future of your marriage.

best wishes, sally
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Re: I'm not sure how much more I can cope with *tri SH & sui*

Postby sally » Wed Jan 08, 2014 4:04 pm

How have you been feeling over the last few days? I"m still thinking of you,
Sally
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Re: I'm not sure how much more I can cope with *tri SH & sui*

Postby Hash » Thu Jan 09, 2014 10:14 pm

Yes how are you Frodosgirl,

THinking of you

Hash
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Re: I'm not sure how much more I can cope with *tri SH & sui*

Postby Frodosgirl » Sat Jan 11, 2014 10:49 am

Thank you for the replies, I am much the same, a couple of evenings ago he had a go at me for the way I intended eating a biscuit. It seems I cannot do anything right. To add more stress into an already stressful situation, we recently had the facias & guttering replaced, well I say replaced, they started at the beginning of October, stated in the third day that they didn't have the right tool & we have never seen them since. The company insist that the job is complete but we have had to weather all the storms without adequate drainage. Bits of it keep blowing off & the company never return our calls & constantly state that they have never received the letter & email we have sent. We contacted a company we hoped would help us but they cannot help us because it is facias. This is causing us further stress, I just know he is going to scream & shout at me about it soon. Yet he was the one who insisted on using this company without getting quotes from others.

He is going away for a few days from Sunday, I just have to keep busy & avoid arguments today & maybe I can have a couple of days where I don't need to tread on eggshells. Everything feels like a huge task.
One more day.....
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Re: I'm not sure how much more I can cope with *tri SH & sui*

Postby Hash » Sat Jan 11, 2014 8:47 pm

Isn't there a fair standards agency that you can contact to get the company to come back and finish their jobs, Are they a member of the chartered institute of builders or another reputable organisation. Did you give them all the money in advance?

Your husband sounds like a big bully, You should not have to tolerate his abuse.

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Re: I'm not sure how much more I can cope with *tri SH & sui*

Postby sally » Sun Jan 12, 2014 8:55 pm

I'm praying these two days while your husband is away will be a precious space for you, free from fear and stress and that Father God would draw close and remind you of His love and surround you with his peace.

sally
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Re: I'm not sure how much more I can cope with *tri SH & sui*

Postby Eppie » Wed Jan 15, 2014 8:27 pm

How are you today Frodosgirl?
E x
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Re: I'm not sure how much more I can cope with *tri SH & sui*

Postby Frodosgirl » Tue Jan 21, 2014 11:04 pm

Thank you for the replies, my Husband returned last Weds & had managed to fall out with his colleague while he was away. He was so angry when he came home & has continued to be angry ever since. I feel like I have spent almost a week treading on eggshells & living in fear of him totally losing it. I keep praying that things will just get easier but they don't seem to, they seem to be getting much worse.
One more day.....
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Re: I'm not sure how much more I can cope with *tri SH & sui*

Postby sally » Wed Jan 22, 2014 4:58 pm

I'm really sorry your husband has come back so angry. Your home situation sounds incredibly difficult, stressful and volatile.

I know you have put up with so much and the way he treats you destroys how you feel about yourself. You never deserve to be treated like that and it doesn't feel enough to say I am praying for you.

I know any thoughts you have about your marriage and what would be a sensible thing to do has been something you have been weighing up, praying about and struggling with for many years. I can only be here to support you, pray for you and ask Father God to protect you and guide you.

You are very precious.

Sally
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Re: I'm not sure how much more I can cope with *tri SH & sui*

Postby Hash » Mon Jan 27, 2014 9:33 pm

How are you now Frodosgirl?

THinking of you

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