Hubbie away and feeling anxious ***Trig SH****

For and about self harmers / people with other issues

Re: Hubbie away and feeling anxious

Postby Keziah » Sun Dec 01, 2013 11:03 pm

All 3 - yay!! I am doing two of them, but not managed to see much of I am a Celebrity, only the start as end up asleep!

Glad hubby home. And you did it!!
Keziah
 
Posts: 2886
Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2005 9:42 am

Re: Hubbie away and feeling anxious

Postby Hash » Mon Dec 02, 2013 11:58 pm

Had to say goodbye to very close friends tonight they are moving abroad to Dallas Texas and I am so sad they are going.

I really feel real strong urges to harm and I don't think I can hold off much longer. I feel on the edge of breaking point and my individual therapist knows it and I know it but if I harm I don't really have time to go to hospital and I'm meant to be going to Zurich this weekend and if i muck up and do it so it damaged more than just fat or muscle I could end up in hospital not that it really would be a mess up I could end up dead which would be good.

Hash
Hash
 
Posts: 2886
Joined: Sun Nov 18, 2007 10:29 pm

Re: Hubbie away and feeling anxious

Postby Keziah » Tue Dec 03, 2013 12:24 am

Zurich sounds lovely, hopefully the thought of a trip there can help you not harm this time?
Keziah
 
Posts: 2886
Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2005 9:42 am

Re: Hubbie away and feeling anxious

Postby sally » Wed Dec 04, 2013 2:24 pm

Hello Hash,

how are you feeling today? Have you started packing for Zurich yet? Just thought that might help to trip away feel nearer!

Sally
sally
 
Posts: 2037
Joined: Sun Sep 28, 2008 1:36 pm
Location: LONDON

Re: Hubbie away and feeling anxious

Postby Hash » Sat Dec 07, 2013 10:14 pm

Feeling like self harming today I literally wanted to pick up a piece of glass off the pavement and rip my face to pieces and we're in Switzerland and self harming would cost me money.

I was told in group on Friday that the team are meeting about me and my self harm to discuss if I need more interventions.

Hash
Hash
 
Posts: 2886
Joined: Sun Nov 18, 2007 10:29 pm

Re: Hubbie away and feeling anxious

Postby Keziah » Sat Dec 07, 2013 10:38 pm

That is the issue with self harm, someone struggling with it cannot just stop it because they are on holiday or it costs money ( if can control it like that then made great progress onto recovery), which hopefully our team will realise.

Hope you get more support than you have if they thnk you need it. And if not, it shows what great progress you are making!
Keziah
 
Posts: 2886
Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2005 9:42 am

Re: Hubbie away and feeling anxious

Postby Eppie » Sun Dec 08, 2013 12:03 am

Sorry it was feeling so overwhelming today Hash. How did you manage in the end?
Eppie
 
Posts: 2440
Joined: Sat Jul 30, 2005 8:31 am

Re: Hubbie away and feeling anxious

Postby sally » Sun Dec 08, 2013 6:34 pm

And today? Have the urges eased?

How do you feel about the idea that the team are wondering about more interventions? I see that as encouraging, that they can see how hard the battle has been and how you have managed to get through some really terrible struggles and are working out if there is anything more they could do to help.

When are you in Switzerland until?

I'm praying for you,
Sal
sally
 
Posts: 2037
Joined: Sun Sep 28, 2008 1:36 pm
Location: LONDON

Re: Hubbie away and feeling anxious

Postby Hash » Sun Dec 08, 2013 11:10 pm

Im back from switzerland

Im struuggling I now have my TOOL

Hash
Hash
 
Posts: 2886
Joined: Sun Nov 18, 2007 10:29 pm

Re: Hubbie away and feeling anxious

Postby Hash » Sun Dec 08, 2013 11:10 pm

Im back from switzerland

Im struuggling I now have my TOOL

Hash
Hash
 
Posts: 2886
Joined: Sun Nov 18, 2007 10:29 pm

Re: Hubbie away and feeling anxious

Postby sally » Mon Dec 09, 2013 2:04 pm

Hello Hash,

how are things going today? Was Peter aware of the DSH urges yesterday or that you have a tool?

Have you got any plans for today? Might you see someone you might be able to give this tool too?

I'm praying you can keep finding ways to get through or to delay until Peter is home, when it might just be possible to give him the tool.
Sally
sally
 
Posts: 2037
Joined: Sun Sep 28, 2008 1:36 pm
Location: LONDON

Re: Hubbie away and feeling anxious

Postby Keziah » Wed Dec 11, 2013 5:26 pm

How are things now? Are you able to distract with Christmas activities etc or is that stressful?
Keziah
 
Posts: 2886
Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2005 9:42 am

Re: Hubbie away and feeling anxious

Postby Hash » Sat Dec 14, 2013 11:15 pm

i failed miserably,

I self harmed on Monday and had to go to hospital, it had gone through to cutting the muscle and badly for me the sister stitching me up after the doctor had checked me out was rubbish and she left gaps and steri'd in between but it was too deep a wound for that and I have ended up with a big hole which is still seeping blood so its going to take ages to heal and I am not happy.

I have not been chucked off therapy yet anyway.

Hash
Hash
 
Posts: 2886
Joined: Sun Nov 18, 2007 10:29 pm

Re: Hubbie away and feeling anxious ***Trig SH****

Postby Keziah » Sun Dec 15, 2013 1:20 am

Hi,
Sorry to hear that. Can you go back to the hospital and ask for it to be looked at and sorted out if need be? Or for plastics to be consulted? Anything to sort out the healing for you?

Have you managed to talk to your therapist about what happened and extra support if you need it? Or perhaps now you have hurt yourself that has eased? I imagine there will be staff holidays soon for Christmas, will you be ok with that as family around and hubby off or do you think extra support being put in place before Christmas hols start could help you?
Keziah
 
Posts: 2886
Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2005 9:42 am

Re: Hubbie away and feeling anxious ***Trig SH****

Postby sally » Sun Dec 15, 2013 2:45 pm

Hello Hash,

I"m really sorry things got so difficult that you hurt yourself. It's frustrating when you don't get good enough treatment. I was going to say more about suturing but I've just deleted that cos I know details about wounds can be very triggering for others, but I pray the wound will settle and heal well.

Let's pray that the therapy team will respond with support as they had already been considering that.

Sally
sally
 
Posts: 2037
Joined: Sun Sep 28, 2008 1:36 pm
Location: LONDON

Re: Hubbie away and feeling anxious ***Trig SH****

Postby Hash » Mon Dec 16, 2013 11:15 pm

Peter is treating it, he used to be a medic in the TA so he is really good. I will check the wound out tomorrow and may well get some help for it. To be honest I reckon they should have stitched internally but they didn't I definitely cut through the muscle sheath and normally they do internals, that is why I think it is still bleeding so bad.

I am needing more but at the moment while I am worrying about that wound I am occupied and I can not harm.

Hash
Hash
 
Posts: 2886
Joined: Sun Nov 18, 2007 10:29 pm

Re: Hubbie away and feeling anxious ***Trig SH****

Postby sally » Tue Dec 17, 2013 3:24 pm

You're lucky having Peter to be a good nurse. I know what you mean about not harming while previous wounds still need treatment. I will pray that during this time, the urges ease for you.

Have you spoken with your therapist this week?

best wishes, sally
sally
 
Posts: 2037
Joined: Sun Sep 28, 2008 1:36 pm
Location: LONDON

Re: Hubbie away and feeling anxious ***Trig SH****

Postby Hash » Wed Dec 18, 2013 9:52 pm

I have seen my therapist and she wants me to see the psychiatrist `i self medicated last night and took quite alot of clonazepam so when I saw her today I was really slow and my speech was slurred. I told her I had bought more tools and she got the impression I was on my way to Crisis.

I have done something positive this afternoon, I ordered my treat for Saturday to get through til saturday and when I got home I handed my blades in till Sunday.

Hash
Hash
 
Posts: 2886
Joined: Sun Nov 18, 2007 10:29 pm

Re: Hubbie away and feeling anxious ***Trig SH****

Postby Keziah » Thu Dec 19, 2013 8:42 pm

Great you could tell your therapist and set a realistic goal.

Have they offered more support as they suggested they would if you self harmed again? Hope the reward is a good treat!

It is almost Christmas, will you have support when offices are closed through the crisis to help you?
Keziah
 
Posts: 2886
Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2005 9:42 am

Re: Hubbie away and feeling anxious ***Trig SH****

Postby Hash » Sun Dec 22, 2013 8:47 pm

I see psych tomorrow

No support through Christmas hubbie at home this is a short answer

Find out tomorrow if chucke d off course
Hash
 
Posts: 2886
Joined: Sun Nov 18, 2007 10:29 pm

PreviousNext

Return to Self Harmers

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 6 guests

cron