Hubbie away and feeling anxious ***Trig SH****

[Hash]

Hubbie in New Zealand I am with parents till tomorrow when I go back to London to home to be with the dogs and my in laws and have to attend therapy on Wednesday and Friday. I am worried about it. I don't sleep when I am worried and am more likely to self harm.

Hash

[Keziah]

Hi Hash. Sorry to hear your routine has changed but sounds like you have family around you all the time to help? And am sure your dogs will love having you back. Perhaps you can explore your concerns in therapy and maybe get some help and tips for self soothing or reassuring yourself in therapy?

NZ sounds nice at this time of year!

[sally]

Hello Hash,

We can be thinking of you over the next few days when you get back home, praying that you manage to sleep better than you expect and that, with the structure of walking your lovely dogs and being with your inlaws you are able to get through without battling urges of hurting yourself.

best wishes, sal

[littleone]

Praying that the anxiety eases and you manage to get good amounts of sleep
xx

[Hash]

I came back to an empty house and no milk and bread or fruit or anything in the cupboards

Dogs were very pleased to see me and I was pleased to see them. My mum took me home and left me so that was nice but hard to be left in an empty house with no food. The last thing I felt like doing was getting some food for myself.

Gordon is out thursday night and Pat is on a training course in Newbury for one of her many jobs even though she's meant to have retired

Feeling exposed and tiered got to get up really early tomorrow to walk the dogs then go to therapy then Sheila is coming and I am doing my washing as usual and then I have the doctors. I feel awful, really alone and ten times worse than when I am with my parents.

I feel tempted to harm.

Hash

[Keziah]

Would it help if you went back to your parents Hash?

Or did an online shop for basics so not have to go out?
I always keep some bread in freezer and long life milk in so do not end up without the basics. Not the best but it helps!!

[Hash]

Felt awful today went to the doctors and she triggered me she made me worse and I ended up calling crisis cos I was going to harm on the street I was so desperate, called crisis and they got me home and I phoned Peter before my in laws came but I've bought a tool and I want to use it.

Hash

[Hash]

Felt awful today went to the doctors and she triggered me she made me worse and I ended up calling crisis cos I was going to harm on the street I was so desperate, called crisis and they got me home and I phoned Peter before my in laws came but I've bought a tool and I want to use it.

Hash

[Eppie]

well done for calling crisis. Glad you did.
What plans today to keep you safe? Who can you be with?
E x

[Keziah]

Glad you called crisis. Can you call them again and tell them what you have bought?

[Keziah]

Glad you called crisis. Can you call them again and tell them what you have bought?

[Keziah]

Glad you called crisis. Can you call them again and tell them what you have bought?

[Hash]

I managed to have a discussion with my father in law and gave him the tool. I went to Tate modern with him today feeling ok. Will tell the group tomorroe

[Keziah]

Oh sorry that posted three times, no idea why!

Great you have a supportive father in law. Sounds a lovely trip.

[Hash]

FEeling triggered

When I was at my mums I went to Marilyn Baker and Tracy's Ladies day at Mulberry House and Helen was there, Helen is the driver and sound engineer for Tracy and Marilyn ( Marilyn Baker is a Christian singer) and Helen writes poetry based on her history. She was raped whilst on abroad and she self harmed she used to get blood transfusions to keep up with her self harming so hers like mine was getting life threatening. My mum told her a little of my story and she gave me her book of poetry and I became her friend on Facebook but something about it is triggering me big time and making me wanting to self harm more not less.

Im feeling really triggered

Hash

[Eppie]

Sorry you feel so triggered Hash. Well done for telling us. How about giving the book to someone else for temporary safe keeping and either changing facebook settings so that you don't see Helen's updates or sending her a msg to explain you feel triggered and so are going to unfriend for now. It sounds from her history as if she would understand why you might need to do that to stay safe.
E x

[Hash]

I really can't unfriend her but there is a setting I can put in place on Facebook so I don't get her updates. Luckily I left the book at my mums.

I am triggered again tonight because I cut myself three times whilst chopping a pepper and some onions for the dinner with a new knife and it really made me feel even worse. Luckily my in laws came in not long after and was able to sort out my cuts.

Luckily the tv tonight will keep me safe.

Hash

[Keziah]

Glad Saturday tv is helpful. Good your in laws around and supportive.

Are you X Factor or Strictly? Or even both! I watch Strictly .

[Hash]

X factor and strictly and Im a celebrity

[Hash]

Hubbie home, Im very glad

Hash