Urges *** Trig SH***

[sally]

((((((((( Hash )))))))))

Please tell someone how you are! You sound very unwell and need help.

I'm sorry things feel so desperate. I feel very worried cos you are talking about ending your life.

Is Peter around over the w/e, taking away opportunity for now? Could you try telling him more of how you are feeling and about your plans?

You are very much in my prayers,
Sally

[Keziah]

Why not phone the crisis team yourself Hash tonight? To talk things through? Or go o a and e if that is easier for you?

[Hash]

I really don't want any help!

So why am I talking to you I suppose cos itts lonely being so desperate and feeling like noone understands

Tomorrow I have three options hopefully I will choose the right one.

Hash

[Keziah]

Hi, totally get the not wanting help, but feel so alone in it.

Great to hear you got through the weekend safely.

Can you list lots of positives to look forward to? That is what I have just done with my hubby tonight ( as got tough few weeks ahead), right down to some tv programmes I have set to record and going to set time aside to watch etc). If it helps?

[sally]

Hello Hash,

I"ve been thinking of you lots. I couldn't get on the site over the last couple of days so hope you haven't been hoping for replies. I have been praying for you.

How are urges today?

Sally

[Hash]

Urges to go doen to the train station and jump are nil but urges to harm bad and even target artery's are still strong.

My house is safe, we've put all ropes in the car and all keys out of locks so I can't lock myself in anywhere. All blades are in the safe and all medications are in the safe. Peter still lets me wake him up at night and I am able to take extra medication.

I missed my depot because I have not wanted to go out on my own for fear of what I might do so I have been slotted in tomorrow night.

my father in law was with me today, Im alone tomorrow night.

Hash

[Keziah]

Hi, glad you were able to tell Peter and to take those steps to keep safe. Hope the depot tonight is ok and you have been able to keep busy today, maybe catch up on tv, look online for Xmas gift ideas, walk your lovely dogs or whatever it is you enjoy?

[Eppie]

Good ideas from Kezzie for tonight.
Do you do anything like knitting or jigsaws or play card games like patience - those are some of my other distractions for tough times.
Glad Peter is able to help.
E x

[Keziah]

How are you now Hash? Hope a nice weekend planned. Guess your dogs will be glad when fireworks all over.

[Hash]

Much better, had a great weekend with all the Ashworth family in the New Forest and taken my nieces to Peppa Pig World and Paultons park. THen had a birthday Tea for my Mother in law and stayed in a caravan with the in laws for two nights. They are coming to stay over tomorrow for he night whilst peter goes away to Hamburg for the night and days.

I am still struggling with the thoughts but keeping busy has really helped.

HASH

[Hash]

Had a bad day, on my own could not get up could not motivate myself at all, was meant to go play with my neighbours kids but didn't have the energy,

TOmorrrow I have to get up at 8:30 to walk the dogs with Gordon and Ive got a blood test at 11:40 I think so I am really having to get my butt in gear.

feeling worried I will pick up blades tomorrow.

Hash

[Keziah]

Perhaps after a busy fun weekend a day alone with nothing planned was a struggle?

Hope having things to do today helped you and here it is bright and sunny so lovely for dog walking!!

[Keziah]

Perhaps after a busy fun weekend a day alone with nothing planned was a struggle?

Hope having things to do today helped you and here it is bright and sunny so lovely for dog walking!!

[sally]

Hello Hash,

that sounds like a lovely w/e. Sorry yesterday was a struggle.

How's today going? Blood test out of the way now? Hope you can manage to keep busy so you can get through today without getting those blades.

I'm praying for you,
Sally

[littleone]

Hi Hash,

I've been away from the site for a while and had been thinking about everyone and how they are doing. Sorry to hear things are not so good for you lately, how was your weekend? How are you feeling this week?
x

[Hash]

How are you doing little one

[littleone]

I am ok I guess, doing a lot better than I have done in the past but at the same time struggling a lot at the moment. I have recently come off medication so I guess it's only natural that my mood is going to be a bit all over the place but sometimes it's hard to cope with. I went to see gp for first time in months (which is a real achievement for me!) asking for help and support as I was struggling, only to be made to feel like a hassle and waste of an appt! He basically said well I don't know why you've come becasue there's nothing we can do! Then a week later I was in due to an ear infection and the doctor said how I had really needed to have come in reguarly if I was coming off meds and that I should be being monitored, so I left that appt wound up because I ask for help and get pushed away, I go in not wanting help and they tell me I should be coming in! Argh so that's been playing on my mind along with lots of other things! Sorry turned in to a bit of a moaning post there and didn't want to hijack your posts! But thanks for asking
x

[Hash]

Sorry your struggling and well done for coming off medication that is an amazing achievement. Maybe you could go back to the second doctor in a month or so and ask for help and support. How is it with the self harm?

Hash