Wish I could die naturally *** TRIG suicide

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Wish I could die naturally *** TRIG suicide

Postby asc » Mon Sep 02, 2013 10:20 pm

If it was not for my animals I would have no hesitation in ending my existence,
Ann www.annspoetry.weebly.com / www. annssmallpets.weebly.com
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" 2 Corinthians 12v9
"You are God's masterpiece." Ephesians 2v10 God doesn't make junk!
asc
 
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Re: Wish I could die naturally *** TRIG suicide

Postby Beautifully_Broken » Mon Sep 02, 2013 10:32 pm

Hey lovely,

I'm really sorry you feel this way. I'm not really sure if I can say anything that will alter your thinking or or longing for death.

I will be praying that you feel God's hand on you, keeping you safe and strengthening you for the days ahead.

You are loved and you are worthy.

Take care,

Love, Ruth x
With Jesus I can take it,
With Him I know I can stand,
No matter what may come my way,
My life is in your hands.

It's lonely when you don't even know yourself...
Beautifully_Broken
 
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Re: Wish I could die naturally *** TRIG suicide

Postby Keziah » Mon Sep 02, 2013 10:32 pm

I wonder why you have dropped in mood so much Ann? You said you had an assessment with a mental health team and saw a psychiatrist for medication review, what has happened with that? Or are you waiting for information from them?

I remember you said you had been away recently, do you find it harder coming back from good times?

Has your counselling not been helpful? If so is it worth stopping it for a time if it is making you lower? Or changing from the person you are seeing? Is it burrs wood counselling you are having?

It is good you have your pets. How have those new tricky to deal with ones coped? Are they easier now you have settled them in?
Keziah
 
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Re: Wish I could die naturally *** TRIG suicide

Postby Eppie » Tue Sep 03, 2013 8:41 am

Hello ASC,
I am glad you have your animals to keep you going on the dark days. Have you talked to your GP about how you're feeling at the moment?
E x
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Re: Wish I could die naturally *** TRIG suicide

Postby asc » Tue Sep 03, 2013 7:19 pm

The psychiatric visit went well. I see her again on the 11th.

I've finished my counselling at Burrswood, which went well, but can resume later. As one of my major problems is finance, though, this is difficult.

I saw the psychotherapist for assessment last week and start a mindfulness-based CBT group in October.

Most of the other problems arise from 'the rat world'/ Even having taken a break from my judge training etc. and having posted an apology for having let myself get too wrapped up in showing at the expense of stressing my rats out, a few people will not accept this. I was going to re-home one rat, then said that 'I would try one more introduction.' This failed at the second attempt, and I reverted to my original plan, only to be accused of "keep changing my mind" and "messing people around." The person actually having Twix was happy about it. I love rats, but not 'the rat world.'
Ann www.annspoetry.weebly.com / www. annssmallpets.weebly.com
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" 2 Corinthians 12v9
"You are God's masterpiece." Ephesians 2v10 God doesn't make junk!
asc
 
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Joined: Sun Apr 27, 2008 1:36 pm
Location: Tunbridge Wells, Kent

Re: Wish I could die naturally *** TRIG suicide

Postby Hash » Tue Sep 03, 2013 9:17 pm

Ann,

I would say if your starting a CBT group in October you wont want to confuse this with more Counselling so keep that in mind.

Suicidal feelings do pass given time so just stick with it and know you don't have to act on the feelings. It is okay to have the feelings but they are just thoughts and the thoughts you can manage with time.

Hash
Hash
 
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Re: Wish I could die naturally *** TRIG suicide

Postby asc » Tue Sep 03, 2013 9:29 pm

That was my thought about counselling.
Ann www.annspoetry.weebly.com / www. annssmallpets.weebly.com
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" 2 Corinthians 12v9
"You are God's masterpiece." Ephesians 2v10 God doesn't make junk!
asc
 
Posts: 2581
Joined: Sun Apr 27, 2008 1:36 pm
Location: Tunbridge Wells, Kent

Re: Wish I could die naturally *** TRIG suicide

Postby Keziah » Tue Sep 03, 2013 10:58 pm

Agree having more than one talking treatment is confusing too. Not heard of mindfulness group cbt. Be intereste to hear of it is helpful for you. How long is the course? Great you seeing the psychiatrist so regularly, sounds a good dr there. Mine diagnosed and prescribed and I see once or twice a year if that to review mediation!! Agree good quality private counselling is expensive. Also someone once tells me if it does not work, I.e. keep needing more than it is not worth continuing. As aim is to not need it but learn and use the skills. Hence I stopped as I found I was using private counselling as a support rather than a means to recover if that makes sense and the aim for me wa to be responsible for myself. Sorry, am rambling.

Yes, politics of rat world sound difficult. Is it possible to just not be part of it? And keep your rats as pets? Sorry if that sounds stupid, the only pets I had were goldfish and a cat as a child!! Though am convinced we will end up with something for my son in coming years somehow!! So far toy animals are enough!!
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Re: Wish I could die naturally *** TRIG suicide

Postby asc » Wed Sep 04, 2013 8:40 am

No, you're not rambling. At present I will be keeping my rats primarily as pets. I'm remaining a member of NFRS in order to access the medical advice etc. and will go to the AGM, but very few, if any, shows, at which I will not exhibit.

The counselling had addressed the problems raised and I was doing very well. When Steve asked how I considered my 'risk' I said 0 out of 10 - at that time. Unfortunately two rat-related events happened soon after this, resulting in my current situation.

Mindfulness-based CBT is a combination of relaxation/meditation and traditional CBT - possibly similar to that in DBT, and should help.

I have to take one of my rats to his new home in Taunton today. It's sad, but he doesn't get on with bucks, hates it alone and needs a nice harem of does. (He is neutered.) He's scared of me at present.

I have two escapees at present, so need to set out two cage traps before I go! The door on the introduction cage is obviously too loose.

I am ashamed of myself for how much I have procrastinated over the house. I was making good progress, then let it slip again.
Ann www.annspoetry.weebly.com / www. annssmallpets.weebly.com
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" 2 Corinthians 12v9
"You are God's masterpiece." Ephesians 2v10 God doesn't make junk!
asc
 
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Location: Tunbridge Wells, Kent

Re: Wish I could die naturally *** TRIG suicide

Postby Keziah » Wed Sep 04, 2013 7:17 pm

Ann how great the counselling helped so much. Can you focus on what you leant in it so when people are not kind in threat world you can try to not let it affect you. In my job I have had to learn to be thick skinned, it is an art and to learn that what people say and do does not affect who I am or my own values or self worth. It is hard. Perhaps your cbt part of your course will help you deal with events like the rat issue... Definitely it is a really good eg to share about how things upset you maybe?

Hope your rat is happy in his new home. Keeping as pets and not showing sounds a sensible step and helps you reduce travel and stresses as well. One family member had a pedigree dog and it came from a prestigious line but they got it as it was the runt of the litter and thought to be useless. However it had perfect markings and they tried to persuade my relative to breed to or to show it, but it was bought as a pet and as such it remained!! And was a happy family member too.
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Re: Wish I could die naturally *** TRIG suicide

Postby Hash » Thu Sep 05, 2013 8:13 pm

THe Mindfulness CBT sounds really good, great you have been offered it.

Well done you!

I hope the escapee's come back soon.

Hash
Hash
 
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Re: Wish I could die naturally *** TRIG suicide

Postby asc » Thu Sep 05, 2013 9:00 pm

One back, the other kept coming out but not letting me catch her!
Ann www.annspoetry.weebly.com / www. annssmallpets.weebly.com
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" 2 Corinthians 12v9
"You are God's masterpiece." Ephesians 2v10 God doesn't make junk!
asc
 
Posts: 2581
Joined: Sun Apr 27, 2008 1:36 pm
Location: Tunbridge Wells, Kent

Re: Wish I could die naturally *** TRIG suicide

Postby sally » Thu Sep 12, 2013 12:45 pm

Hello Ann,

how are you feeling this week?

I know the thoughts of wishing your life was over are not new for you. I hope the support that the care team might set up and change in meds does have some effect on that.

I pray that Father God brings you hope in Him and His care and comfort.

sally
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Re: Wish I could die naturally *** TRIG suicide

Postby asc » Thu Sep 12, 2013 5:14 pm

I'm not doing too badly, thank you. I saw the psychiatrist. She says I seem better, but it I said that it varies a lot. I only had the one medication change, and am now at the maximum dose of that - mainly because it is good for pain relief - allegedly! I'm not really seeing much change in overall mood or pain.

Procrastination is my major problem.
Ann www.annspoetry.weebly.com / www. annssmallpets.weebly.com
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" 2 Corinthians 12v9
"You are God's masterpiece." Ephesians 2v10 God doesn't make junk!
asc
 
Posts: 2581
Joined: Sun Apr 27, 2008 1:36 pm
Location: Tunbridge Wells, Kent


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