Struggle to keep it together

For and about self harmers / people with other issues

Re: Struggle to keep it together

Postby Eppie » Fri Aug 24, 2012 5:41 pm

Hey Hash
You've not failed today... you've adapted to the circumstances. If you were up much of the night with Peter, then I'm not surprised you didn't get the other things done, but it was more important for you to be with Peter. And not to have harmed is a victory.
Have you ever watched Anne of Green Gables... she used to say tomorrow is a fresh day!
E x
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Re: Struggle to keep it together

Postby asc » Fri Aug 24, 2012 6:33 pm

[quote="Eppie"]Hey Hash
You've not failed today... you've adapted to the circumstances. If you were up much of the night with Peter, then I'm not surprised you didn't get the other things done, but it was more important for you to be with Peter. And not to have harmed is a victory.
Have you ever watched Anne of Green Gables... she used to say tomorrow is a fresh day!
E x[/quote]

Sometimes our 'goals' can't be achieved for unforeseen reasons (I had to do less because of vertigo), but it isn't failure - and well done for not harming.

Thinking of you and Peter. I hope he is soon more comfortable. It's worth keeping some clove oil or Orajel by you at home.
Ann www.annspoetry.weebly.com / www. annssmallpets.weebly.com
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" 2 Corinthians 12v9
"You are God's masterpiece." Ephesians 2v10 God doesn't make junk!
asc
 
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Re: Struggle to keep it together

Postby Hash » Fri Aug 24, 2012 9:40 pm

I tried to get some oragel but you can't get it round here not in boots or the pharmacies. his pain is so severe he has been using all sorts of methods to help himself including hot water bottles, Alcohol, codeine and paracetamol, clove oil etc.

I feel a little alone at the moment Peter is not able to talk much cos it hurts and we are limited in what we are doing because he just wants to rest.

People don't seem to be understanding me at the moment Im trying to just survive each day and cope but its hard. Friends are judging me for doing little they don't understand. Just staying safe is difficult.

hash
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Re: Struggle to keep it together

Postby sally » Sat Aug 25, 2012 4:34 pm

You didn't fail in my books! You didn't self-harm despite being completely sleep deprived and an interruption to your routine.
I'm praying for you today Hash,

Sally
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Re: Struggle to keep it together

Postby Keziah » Sun Aug 26, 2012 10:23 pm

Hi Hash,
staying safe and getting through each day is great for now. Perhaps people are just suggesting things to try and help you as sometiems doing things is nice and helpful, other times it is too much.

Hope his tooth situation is sorted so he is better and so on. Ouch to dental pain!

xx
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Re: Struggle to keep it together

Postby Hash » Tue Aug 28, 2012 7:55 pm

Peter's Dental situation is sorted, he has been taking Antibiotics and that has sorted the infection out but now he needs root canal so his first appointment is the 18th September and then he has two appointments thereafter.

We both caught a bug over the weekend so I was sick multiple times and for Peter he just got dizzy and headachy and sweaty. I had to be careful as I am on Lithium and if I am sick too much I am at risk of toxicity. When I last got a bug I was in the self harm unit and they were worried so they called out the doctor and got emergency blood tests taken to the lab for testing but I was okay in the end. I was worried this time that I would not be able to keep my medication down but that was only a problem for one night.

So basically we have not been doing anything all weekend cos of the bug although we managed to watch a good movie.

Tomorrow I have my appointment with the Psychiatrist and One of the therapists at the Personality Disorders Service so I will have to see how that goes, they are probably going to be going on about how amazing it is that I have managed not to self harm for so long. I will just be telling them that every day I think about it and it is a problem but keeping myself in the house and in pi's has kept me safe for longer but not been an ideal solution.

I have family therapy at the self harm unit on Thursday with Peter, we have a lot to get through. It is our second to last session.

Hash
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Re: Struggle to keep it together

Postby sally » Wed Aug 29, 2012 2:07 pm

Hash,

sorry you were both poorly over the weekend. How miserable! Glad you are better now.
Busy day tomorrow with both those appointments. You are right to tell them about the intensity and constancy of urges and the techniques you have found that have you not act on them so frequently. It may be progress for them and a huge step forwards for you but it isn't the level of managing you want to stay at. I hope they are hepful and the afternoon appointment goes as well as possilbe with Pete.

Sal
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Re: Struggle to keep it together

Postby asc » Thu Aug 30, 2012 4:04 pm

I do hope the appointments have gone well.
Ann www.annspoetry.weebly.com / www. annssmallpets.weebly.com
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" 2 Corinthians 12v9
"You are God's masterpiece." Ephesians 2v10 God doesn't make junk!
asc
 
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Re: Struggle to keep it together

Postby sally » Thu Aug 30, 2012 6:46 pm

Hash,

was thinking of you today. How are you feeling now they are done?
Praying you can go gently tonight cos that has probably an exhausting day, both physically and mentally.

Sally
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Re: Struggle to keep it together

Postby Keziah » Fri Aug 31, 2012 11:05 am

Hope your appointments went well for you. It is not long till you start the therapy if I remember rightly.
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Re: Struggle to keep it together

Postby Frodosgirl » Sat Sep 01, 2012 11:21 am

I'm praying for you x
One more day.....
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Re: Struggle to keep it together

Postby Hash » Sun Sep 02, 2012 6:07 pm

Sorry for the absence of posting girls, I was a little busy thursday and friday and then Peter was off sick with a really bad fever Friday and has been ill since then in bed mostly, He was so ill he was convulsing and shivering and he had no strength to wake me up but I woke up at five am and sorted him out and he improved from then.

My appointment with the Psychiatrist and Psychologist at the Personality Disorder Service really was good, They are not going to start the Therapy until the last week of September but it looks like I am in the group. The group therapy will be on a Friday morning which is not the best of days to have therapy but never mind. The individual therapy will be on a Monday or a Tuesday. They didn't really say much they talked about the other person in the group who doesn't want to see my scars and we talked about the fact I was trying to not self harm and had gone a matter of weeks without it and they were really pleased.

I'm finding it really hard supporting Peter and him being poorly, its such a challenge.

Hash
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Re: Struggle to keep it together

Postby asc » Sun Sep 02, 2012 6:47 pm

Well done! I'm so sorry that Peter is ill.
Ann www.annspoetry.weebly.com / www. annssmallpets.weebly.com
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" 2 Corinthians 12v9
"You are God's masterpiece." Ephesians 2v10 God doesn't make junk!
asc
 
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Re: Struggle to keep it together

Postby Hash » Mon Sep 03, 2012 2:29 pm

Hopefully he will get better soon!

Hash
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Re: Struggle to keep it together

Postby Frodosgirl » Wed Sep 05, 2012 9:43 pm

How is Peter now? I am praying for you x
One more day.....
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Re: Struggle to keep it together

Postby Keziah » Sun Sep 09, 2012 1:55 pm

Hi - glad the meeting went well for you and it starts quite soon and hopefully will give you some structure to your weeks which I know you were hoping for.

sorry to hear Peter ill, hope he is much better now. xx
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Re: Struggle to keep it together

Postby Hash » Mon Sep 10, 2012 1:36 pm

Peter is better now!

I seem to be quite busy all week at the moment when I mean busy just busy in the afternoon as the mornings are sleep time.

Peter goes away this week for one night and I think I am going to try and manage the night on my own but I am not sure whether I will cope. He is going to Switzerland from Wednesday very early in the morning until thursday evening late. So I will need to get up early on Wednesday to walk the dogs and will need to get something for dinner on both days. My in laws have told me they can come and stay last minute if I need them and my friend has said I can call her whatever time of the night if I need her or her husband to come over.

I feel quite strong at the moment, I have managed to stay self harm free for about three months now. Every day is still a challenge but every day I manage to stay safe is great.

I am scared of the time I do start self harming again as it had got so out of control with Ambulances, Police and Majors A and E being needed to help me and it scares me what I did to myself. My scarring is so bad its a constant reminder of what I have been doing. I think somehow I may be able to start self harming so I don't need medical attention immediately but it wont last.

I think the summer has helped me stay safe as I haven't wanted to wear long sleeves. Now the cold weather is on the way its a temptation.

Hash
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Re: Struggle to keep it together

Postby asc » Fri Sep 14, 2012 12:47 pm

You are doing so well, Hash.
Ann www.annspoetry.weebly.com / www. annssmallpets.weebly.com
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" 2 Corinthians 12v9
"You are God's masterpiece." Ephesians 2v10 God doesn't make junk!
asc
 
Posts: 2581
Joined: Sun Apr 27, 2008 1:36 pm
Location: Tunbridge Wells, Kent

Re: Struggle to keep it together

Postby Eppie » Fri Sep 14, 2012 9:32 pm

Hi Hash
How did you manage while Peter was away?
E x
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Re: Struggle to keep it together

Postby Hash » Wed Sep 19, 2012 8:35 pm

I coped okay, I just took it bit by bit. The worst bit was the night time, all the noises were really scary!

Im here and I survived.

Hash
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