Dreaming of self harming

For and about self harmers / people with other issues

Dreaming of self harming

Postby Hash » Wed Jul 18, 2012 8:05 pm

Okay so I turned things around a little, I went to see the consultant for the Personality Disorder Services at Springfield Hospital and she was really encouraging and said I should use rewards again to help me stop self harming for a while so we did. Peter and I reinstated rewards and I have not self harmed for about three weeks and I am trying to get to the 31st July when I go to the Covent Garden Sanctuary Spa with my mum for an 85 minute massage and a day at the spa.

I am really really finding it hard to get to that cos I keep dreaming about self harming and its so real I want to do it. I just can't get it out of my head. Last night I dreamed about self harming in a particular way to a part of my body it was so vivid I emailed my GP and talked to her about it but its left the thoughts in my head.

I feel really on edge cos its the summer and I have a lot of free time and days because people who would normally support me are on their holidays.

I can't really afford to self harm because I need to be able to swim and be massaged on the day out.

Hash
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Re: Dreaming of self harming

Postby Keziah » Wed Jul 18, 2012 10:08 pm

Hi Hash. It is encouraging to hear that you have been able to talk to both the consultant and the Gp about this. If you struggle further over the coming days can you email your gp or see her again. It sounds a great treat to look forward to - I hope that reward can help you through the coming days. I used to use rewards and found them really helpful - so I hope you do too. The dreams sound horrible, but hope you can remember that they are just that, dreams and you don't have to act on them.
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Re: Dreaming of self harming

Postby Eppie » Thu Jul 19, 2012 7:18 am

Hi Hash

I'm praying for you that those dreams will stop, because they must be so frightening and horrible.

I hear how hard it is, but I'm so glad that you can see the positive in how encouraging the consultant was as well. - well done.
that's a really good idea to email your GP if you dream something distressing again.

The summer can be a hard time can't it, wtih usual support networks away. Are there any summer events you could get invovled with - libraries sometimes have things on, so worth checking your local library maybe?

Covent Garden Santuary day sounds amazing!
E x
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Re: Dreaming of self harming

Postby asc » Thu Jul 19, 2012 8:27 am

Well done in all your progress, Hash.

The rewards seem to be helping and I hope you can get to the spa - it will be great for you and your mother.

I pray that these dreams will stop.
Ann www.annspoetry.weebly.com / www. annssmallpets.weebly.com
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" 2 Corinthians 12v9
"You are God's masterpiece." Ephesians 2v10 God doesn't make junk!
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Re: Dreaming of self harming

Postby sally » Thu Jul 19, 2012 12:25 pm

Wow Hash,
3 weeks of not self harming! That is amazing! REally well done.

Do you know when you can see that consultant again? It's such a relief to talk with someone who 'gets it'
I can understand how triggering those dreams must be. Like others, I pray they will stop and you can continue to find ways to not act on them - like contacting your GP.

thinking of you lots, Sally
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Re: Dreaming of self harming

Postby Hash » Thu Jul 19, 2012 3:08 pm

Umm can't see the consultant again Sally it was a one off assessment review and she will be reviewing me with others later on my treatment program. I'm not really a good reader eppie in fact I can barely read a book so I don't really go in the library.

Yes it's good to have the incentive of the spa day but it's such a battle to get to it's so hard. Hubbie and I are communicating really well at the moment following our family therapy sessions. I think he is going to take a day working at home every week over the summer so I am ok.

I really am not planning to give up the self harming it's too much a part of me.
Hash
 
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Re: Dreaming of self harming

Postby asc » Thu Jul 19, 2012 4:24 pm

Can you set up some interim goals with Peter to tide you over.

I know there may be slip-ups, but it would be a good idea to AIM to give up harming, as it is addictive and, like a 'dry' alcoholic having a drink, or a former smoker a cigarette, it can escalate so easily.
Ann www.annspoetry.weebly.com / www. annssmallpets.weebly.com
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" 2 Corinthians 12v9
"You are God's masterpiece." Ephesians 2v10 God doesn't make junk!
asc
 
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Re: Dreaming of self harming

Postby Hash » Thu Jul 19, 2012 8:09 pm

I agree Ann it's not a good idea to harm cos it escalates so easily but I can't see that time of giving it up forever right now.

I am already thinking about overdosing at the moment and having plans to do it as another way of self harming,

I am not a good example.

Hash
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Re: Dreaming of self harming

Postby asc » Fri Jul 20, 2012 8:57 am

Please stay safe, Hash.

I hope my comment didn't come across as too harsh. I think there is a similarity between that and my feelings about forgiving those who go behind my back. At the moment I find it too difficult, but I pray that the Lord will help wme to be 'willing to be made willing.'
Ann www.annspoetry.weebly.com / www. annssmallpets.weebly.com
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" 2 Corinthians 12v9
"You are God's masterpiece." Ephesians 2v10 God doesn't make junk!
asc
 
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Re: Dreaming of self harming

Postby sally » Fri Jul 20, 2012 10:04 am

Hey Hash,

just a thought after your comment about not reading. I lost concentration to read when I first became unwell, but have turned to audio books from the library (free in my borough). Or you could by and download to itunes. When my concentration is really poor, I take out good childrens stories - some of the Jacqueline Wilson are very interesting, the series of unforgettable events did get my attention for a while. When I'm feeling better I return to the adult literature. I study the back covers so I don't take out a set of CDs that might lead to a subject I could find triggering

I have found it has helped to pass time and distract, I use it to stop my planning and worry thoughts as I go to sleep. I someitmes to a sudoku at the same time if I cant be still.

Sorry, didn't think I'd have so much to say about audiobooks. It's only an idea that at sometime you might want to try!

What plans for you today?
be gentle with you!
Sal
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Re: Dreaming of self harming

Postby Eppie » Fri Jul 20, 2012 11:17 am

hello!
I read childrens books when I was ill a couple of years Sally - for a while it was easier than adults stuff.
Hash, some libraries are doing more community stuff these days - not necessarily reading. I just wondered whether it would be a peaceful place to be sometimes.
Look after yourself.
Ex
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