To be or not to be

For and about self harmers / people with other issues

To be or not to be

Postby Hash » Tue Jun 19, 2012 4:06 pm

I want to be dead

Im self harming and it's getting rediculous in terms of what I'm doing.

I'm even thinking if I have no skin left that's unscarred perhaps I should use someone else's as in harm them. That deserves a punishment of death. I'm thinking bout it and it seems the best way to eliminate me.
Hash
 
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Re: To be or not to be

Postby Keziah » Tue Jun 19, 2012 4:22 pm

Hash I am sorry you are struggling so much. Can you think of nice things you would want to do, things to look forward to, cuddle your dogs maybe to help fight these negative thoughts?

Has your assessment happened yet for your therapy that might help? Could you contact a professional to talk through what you have just posted?

Hugs x
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Re: To be or not to be

Postby Beautifully_Broken » Tue Jun 19, 2012 4:24 pm

Hash, you do not need to eliminate yourself. You are special, you are loved and you are valuable. I would say that you really need to get help if you are having thoughts of harming other people as that changes things quite drastically. Can you speak to your GP or your psych? I think that you know that you need to get help, I also think that you want to eliminate yourself because you believe you are bad, and I want to reassure you that you are definitely not bad. Far from it, you are just struggling with things.

I would really urge you to get help! Although it doesn't feel like it now, this has to come to an end and if you had a broken leg you wouldn't be expected to just leave it and hope it got better on it's own, mental health issues are no different. You deserve help!

Love you lots!

Ruth x
With Jesus I can take it,
With Him I know I can stand,
No matter what may come my way,
My life is in your hands.

It's lonely when you don't even know yourself...
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Re: To be or not to be

Postby Hash » Tue Jun 19, 2012 9:27 pm

Nice things only last briefly they don't stay with me long term. I've tried today really tried but the bad thoughts are bigger and all consuming. I see my gp tomorrow but nothing will help.

The therapy pre course has started but it's not therapy and I'm really in quite a desperate place.

Peter and I have talked, he has all my medication but not my blades and I can do alot of damage with them that's what I'm worried about at the moment targeting things is in my head. Peter wants hospital I don't want hospital
Hash
 
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Re: To be or not to be

Postby Keziah » Tue Jun 19, 2012 10:13 pm

Hi Hash. It is good you have talked with Peter. Would you consider giving him your blades as well at this time, whilst you seek help? Could you tell your Gp what you posted here, to see what short term help you could receive whilst on your pre therapy course? Or tell the person leading your pre therapy course what is in your head?

I suggested nice things, as I know that whilst they only last a short time if you can enjoy them and build things you like into your day/week it can give you something to look forward to. I, for a while, used to have a "treat" every Friday as a recognition of a week I had survived - and I chose my treat!

I hope Wed is a better day and Gp helpful Hash xx
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Re: To be or not to be

Postby Eppie » Wed Jun 20, 2012 7:03 am

Hello Hash

I want to echo what Kezzie and Ruth have said. You are a precious precious girl. I know that you can't see that, and I know that it's hard to hear from others, but I think it's really important our sisters in Christ remind us of how special we are when we are in the depths and can't see it.

I am praying for you today that God will reach down and pick you out of the mire and set you high upon a rock... which I think David said God did for him in one of the psalms.

Well done for talking to Peter, and well done for telling us how you are feeling - those are both good things, and you need to be proud of yourself for that, and proud of your honesty in admitting the struggle. Please try and tell your GP today how things really are as well.

Is there anyone around who could sit with you and just pray for peace? Praying that for you now.

Lots of love
E x
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Re: To be or not to be

Postby asc » Wed Jun 20, 2012 7:00 pm

I'd like to echo what Eppie and the others have said. You are a very special person and have no need to exterminate yourself. Please tell your doctor or course leader how you are feeling, as you posted at first. Peter may be right that, much as you don't want hospital, it may be the best option while you are feeling like this.

Praying for you

Love
Ann
Ann www.annspoetry.weebly.com / www. annssmallpets.weebly.com
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" 2 Corinthians 12v9
"You are God's masterpiece." Ephesians 2v10 God doesn't make junk!
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Re: To be or not to be

Postby Hash » Sun Jun 24, 2012 4:31 pm

I'm still here, still alive! Had Someone with me 24/7 till last night when hubbie flipped and walked out the house. We're at breaking point but I've established part of me wants to live. I'm terrified that tomorrow when I'm on my own things will get outa control! Cutting wise, targeting veins and arteries but I know somehow I'll survive cos I've come this far. Got my group in the morning Tomorrow then it's up to me to keep my self somewhere in the safe zone.

Hash
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Re: To be or not to be

Postby Keziah » Sun Jun 24, 2012 5:27 pm

Hi, lovely to hear from you Hash. Great you got that support so you were not alone. Good you have group tomorrow so only half a day alone until hubby back from work. Can you plan an activity for the afternoon to help pass the day safely? I often used to go to the library to get or change books (didn't matter if didn't read them!) as a safe activity.
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Re: To be or not to be

Postby Hash » Sun Jun 24, 2012 10:16 pm

I will try to do something to keep busy, My father in law is poorly so I may end up going to hospital with him.

Hash
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Re: To be or not to be

Postby Keziah » Mon Jun 25, 2012 2:13 pm

Hi, hope today going well. Going with father in law sounds a good option and he may appreciate it also.

I went to the local shops today, just to get out. I still need to do that to keep going sometimes.... and sunny weather helps.

do you like Wimbledon, I am going to watch some of that in coming weeks.
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Re: To be or not to be

Postby Hash » Tue Jun 26, 2012 11:08 am

No I'm not really a wimbledon fan.

Im feeling much better, i spent all afternoon with my father in law yesterday and it really helped and I went to church on SUnday for the first time in ages.

I feel less at risk of suicide.

Hannah
Hash
 
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Re: To be or not to be

Postby Keziah » Tue Jun 26, 2012 4:18 pm

thanks for posting - good to hear.
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