Prepare for Meltdown

[Hash]

Hey Littleone.

I've been having a really rough time and Im really struggling to stay safe. Monday was a really bad day, I ended up at the hospital A and E dept with a really bad couple of wounds, they ended up giving me gas and air cos they could not anaesthetise so deep and needed to explore the wounds with the plastic surgeons. It was all alright I was lucky.

Tomorrow is a tough day for me I have no idea how I'm going to get through. I have plans in my head and somehow I need to fight doing them.

Hash

[asc]

I'm so sorry. Praying for you.

[Hope]

Hash,

Wondering how you are now? We continue to pray...

Hope

[Hash]

It's been a hard week with my husband saying on Thursday he wanted to leave me during family therapy he said it. He's now decided no he loves me and wants to stay but he can't stand what I'm doing to my body. I have damaged a nerve running down my arm so I have pins and needles in my hand middle fingers. I will struggle to stop especially as hubby is being so strong in his statements.

Some good news is I have been offered a place on an introductory course for ten weeks learning about mentalisation based therapy after which if I get in I will be able to access 18 months of this therapy once a week as a group and once a week individually on the NHs with Springfield hospital in London .

I will just have to manage next week but I am already planning and triggered into a major harming session as soon as I get the house to myself.


Hash

[asc]

This sounds an excellent course. Please don;t throw your marriage away because you hate your body. Peter obviously doesn't.

Praying for you.

[Keziah]

Hash - the offer of longer term therapy, both individual and group sounds excellent. I hope it is what you want and that you are able to keep yourself well enough to participate in it. It is hard to maintain a relationship when one member, or both, has enduring mental health issues - I know when I was at my lowest it really made things hard for my husband and he needed time for himself and time to do things he couldn't when caring for me.

I hope the coming week you can keep safe. x

[sally]

(((((((((( Hash )))))))))))

I'm sorry things are so hard for you and the planning for such dangerous damage has proved so difficult to break. Do you have any ideas how we else we might be able to support you when you tell us you have besides praying?

I know how hard it is to go against those plans by trying to arrange other specific things to do at that time but I remember you have managed to do that occasionally before.

I'm sorry you have now damaged nerves and have pins and needles in some fingers. Does that kind of long term damage you sometimes worry you when you are not actually in the midst of urges?

I've not heard of the therapy that is hopefully going to be available for you but I do pray you find it helpful.
I'm praying for you and Pete as you struggle through so much,
Sally

[kathie]

Hash I have been following this thread.

Just wanted to say I have been studying this last year and in psychopathology I came across two therapies for BPD. Research suggests they are effective. Schema Focused Therapy and Transference Focused Psychotherapy. Apparently they are effective for addressing the underlying dysfunctional beliefs that drive the symptoms of BPD. We all develop schema as children and they are the unconscieous beleifs about the world ourself and the future. I really dont know how available it is but it might be worth investigating.

I know its hard, I have a diag of BPD amongst other things. So often it is simply getting through and minimizing our self-harm and self-destruction. Sometimes it really is only for the sake of others that we do it. But thats what we have to do, we have to remember how hard it is for others to be close to us, especially when we are at our worst and when we think so little of ourselves. Thats when we have push ourselves to remember what other people mean to us.

When Paul talks about us living as living sacrifices most people think of that in terms of their functional lives. Thats ok. But for us sometimes living sacrificially is maybe just living. Or not hurting ourself. It costs us more soemtimes to not hurt ourself, to possibly be respectful of our bodies than anything else ( I wont say be kind to ourself cos most often that is impossible isn't it!) - if that makes sense.

I know how hard this is, please take my words as they are meant - to encourage you to dig in, be strong and with grit and determination push forwards toward that better life that Christ has for you. Put Peter first, he loves you dearly that is obvious he has commited his life to and you to him try to spend time dwelling on those things. These words are a real challenge for me also, though I dont have a caring husband in my life, I do have children and I have to keep putting them first.

In Christ

Kathie