'Blips' getting shorter

For and about self harmers / people with other issues

'Blips' getting shorter

Postby asc » Sat Jan 16, 2010 5:02 pm

I have chronic low-grade depression and responded to stress with getting more depressed and having strong urges to SH or misuse medication.

About three months ago I started receiving short-term counselling at Burrswood with a counsellor whose ways really appeal to my way of thinking - a mixture of approaches, but getting me first to write about how I felt about my redundancy etc., then about the people involved - how I felt about them, and what I considered to be the reasons behind their actions. I found myself going on to other things, too, and particularly two areas:
The 'worm' teaching of the church where I first came to know the Lord, in which the lower your self-image, the better it was considered
to be, and incredible legalism and judgementalism which I had to unlearn.
The fact that my parents didn't socialise meant that I never learned how to interact, what most marriages were like (I thought Christians never argued!), how to read body language etc. with the result that in some ways I functioned as if I had Asperger's syndrome.
I also prepared a plan, with contact numbers etc. to be used in event of suicidal temptations and gave it to my counsellor.

Then in November we had the conference at Mulberry House - again really helpful. Perhaps the most useful thing was working out a 'survival kit' to help us at home - and I've also done a mini one to take when I go away. I still need to work on designing helpful text cards etc. Amazingly, this week on Thursday I heard a sermon on Isaiah 43, then today we sang "Do not be afraid, for I have redeemed you." Very special words. The verse in Zephaniah about God singing over us keeps coming to me, too.

I've worked out that my main triggers are pain - I'm going to ask my GP for a referral, and disagreements, particularly at church, and I'm having to learn just to let them float over me - Captain's relating style just differs from mine, and he probably thinks I am over-sensitive. I'm also going to an evening service after our afternoon one, in a church where I might find more pastoral support.

Even more recently I keep getting led to references to mindfulness, and am trying to find out more. Anyway, last night I rang a former forum member, who said she is feeling so much better having had two mindfulness classes so far from her mental health team!

I still have a way to go, and particularly use the Mulberry House prayer line, but the severe blips are shorter in duration. I coped badly with the snow - a combination of anxiety about slipping and a 'trapped' feeling - which I realised took me back to a short, disastrous employment period where I felt trapped.

I'm praying that 2010 will be a year of continued progress for me - and for you all.
Ann www.annspoetry.weebly.com / www. annssmallpets.weebly.com
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" 2 Corinthians 12v9
"You are God's masterpiece." Ephesians 2v10 God doesn't make junk!
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