Poems *trigger SA, depression*

For and about self harmers / people with other issues

Poems *trigger SA, depression*

Postby butterfly » Sat Jan 31, 2009 4:22 pm

Ok, so wrote some poems and thought it might help some people if I shared them. There not really about self harm specifically, more about my experience of depression and abuse and exploring love. I hope they are of some encouragment. They may be triggering though.


I wrote the first 3 in winter 2007 when things were particularly rough for me. Possibly the hardest few months of my life.


Butterfly

I'm a butterfly, caught in a web of manipulation
Torn by the consequences of another's choices
Distorted love
Injecting poison with every touch
I'm a butterfly, battered and bruised
There are no visible marks
This is poison deep within my soul
Every grain of beauty shrouded by ashes
With each step grasping for truth
With each breath, reaching for the light, outside this pit of darkness.


Depression-Sept-Nov 2007

No words
My soul screams in silence
Entwined in the silent monotony that my life has become
A cold, empty, superfitial imitation
My mind caught in an endless cycle
Without purpose, without meaning
lies whisper, a neverending cacophony
No words

No emotion
Is this what I have become?
An empty shell, limp and lifeless
Gripped behind a wall of fear
Before me a universe of eternal darkness
My hope is drifting on an endless ocean
Sinking beneath the waves of doubt
No emotion


Hiding

I'm running today
Escaping reality
Sometimes I hide
Its comfortable here
The illusion of safety
Intoxicating my weakened soul
I'm lost and alone
No hope here
Chocked by lies
Struggling for breath
The breath that was given to me
A perfect gift
Smothered by pain
There is darkness here
distorting reality
Love is twisted
Caught in a web of fear
No truth here

-I wrote these two recently and there more about love.

Searching for words
For reality
For the truth within my heart
So often locked inside,
But I can no longer hide

This page is so uncertain, so new
Like a rewrite of a song,
That takes the planned out pattern of life
And redirects it.

This isn’t wrong,
I am trusting in the one,
Who formed my heart,
My soul, my very being.

Before time He searched for my heart.
In the depths He cried for me.
He reached down and rescued me.
The undeniable truth,
Setting me free
From the mundane, the pain,
That crushed my soul.

Now I’m walking, searching, hoping, praying.
Thinking on you and who you are.
The pieces I know so far.
Not a complete picture,
But fragments that intrigue me.

Your beauty, your energy,
Your kindness and sensitivity.
Your eyes that see the world
And want to embrace it.
Your freshness, your openness,
Your willingness to share,
‘who you really are’.

I want to know you,
To reach out, to take risks.
Reveal the complexity,
The truth behind these eyes.
I see you, I like you,
My smile, sometimes a mask
But to you hoping to express
My joy, my excitement,
My eagerness to try.

This joy, so often crushed
By the pain of life, I find.
Past hurts, past regrets
Entwine themselves with now.

Yet wit each step,
With each breath,
I want to try,
To grow, to change.
To walk out, to break free.
With my saviours eternal arms beneath me.
But with you beside me?.....

Poem 2

Love is precious but fragile, so easily broken.
Like a precious jewel, none other can be found.

If I searched every corner of every square inch of the earth.
I would never replace the beauty and reality of this love.

If I was to pray with all the strength within as I so often long to do.
Would it be found?
Would I reach you my darling?
Would you see me or see yourself the way that I see you?
What is reality?
What is truth?
Why are these things so hard to find?

Where are you oh Lord?
Why so hard to find?
Your perfect love seems so lost amidst this dull, dense, darkness.
Others and my own messed up choices. Seperation. Your fallen world.

Yet you remain.
Forever faithful.
The repairer of broken walls.
My stronghold. My fortress. My hiding place.
My friend for eternity.
My saviour.
Your all I want, your all I need, your everything, everything!
butterfly
 
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